Filed under: Adoption Process
So that is the ringer I have on my cell phone right now. What can i say? I’m a child of the 80’s. Every time that ringer goes off and I see an unfamiliar number, my heart skips a beat. Every time my home phone rings and I see an unfamiliar number, my heart skips a beat. Although I hope it is at least a few weeks before baby arrives, it could really happen just any time now. And I feel like I’m holding my breath.
I need to change my rings so that all familiar calls have the same ringer. That way I won’t freak every time it goes off.
Waiting has never been easy for me.
Filed under: Day after day
We were lucky enough to bring a catepillar home from our vacation in the country. Speedy thought it was the coolest thing ever to let that little creepy crawly move all over his hand and arm. EEEEK! We put it in a jar and I grabbed a few leaves from the area where it was. I really expected it to die, as many earthquakes as it went through on the way home and all. Last night we thought it was dead but then noticed what looked to be a cocoon starting to form. This morning, it was fully encased in its cocoon.
Isn’t that cool? I know Speedy is excited but I am too! I hope it makes it to a butterfly, how cool would that be? I googled it and I think it will take anywhere from 9 – 14 days so we’re keeping an eye on it. I’m thinking of all kinds of cool analogies and lessons I can teach Speedy from watching it emerge as a butterfly.
My luck, all the excitement will take place in the middle of the night. 
An excerpt from February 3, 2006, not long after receiving the call about Speedy and Princess;
It doesn’t seem real to me; that all of this could happen so fast. I don’t believe it is really happening at all. I wan’t going to write until Monday, but we need your prayers. It would be so easy for me to pray that we get both of these children moved to our house and that we get to keep them forever. But we have to think of the children first. Their needs are so much more important than ours – PLEASE pray that God will put them in the place that is absolutely best for them. Pray also for us – that if they come here and are only here for a while that God will give us what we need to survive that.
Above all else, pray for a scared two year old little boy who probably doesn’t understand much of what is happening to him right now.
We are SO STINKIN’ excited we can’t stand it. We’re trying to guard our hearts but we can’t help but love these children already. Thank you, God, for the opportunity, for the hope and for your neverending Grace.
So much of that is what we are feeling today. Only now, it through the perception of parenting for two years. It’s as thought what we experienced for 48 hours before, is being stretched over 9 months now. We are in the final stretch. Birthmom is 33 weeks along now.
People I’d appreciate you praying specifically for:
baby
birthmom
doctors/nurses who deliver the baby
social worker at the hospital
CPS intake worker
investigative CPS worker
Ad Litem appointed to the baby
All of these people will play a key role in bringing this littly guy home.
I don’t know why I was even worried about the home study. How many times does God have to prove His faithfulness, His power over the details, and His unending love for me before I stop sweating the small stuff? The things that concerned me the most about the home study never even came up. Questions I thought would be difficult to answer weren’t asked. Questions I would have considered answering dishonestly (shock! I know, who would have thought ha ha) were not asked.
Not only was the worker compassionate and caring, she was also sensitive to our timeline. It can take up to 45 days for a homestudy to be written up. She said ours would be finished on Monday, Tuesday if the computers were down. That’s less than 48 hours, people. Pray nothing prevents her from completing it.
Now, we wait. Everytime the phone rings and it is GrannyJ, my heart skips a beat.
Psalm 23:1 “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.” He will meet all our needs. He is enough for me.
Filed under: vacation
So day 3 wasn’t quite as fun. I was a little tired of the green worms, a little irritated with an exhausted 4 year old and in a big need of a change in scenery.
We took Speedy to an exotic zoo place where we went on a “safari”. He was in hog heaven but I felt sorry for hte animals who didn’t look all that great. He was in awe of feeding the camels and other animals from his hands.
I found out that fishing and ADHD are not a good mix. Not. At. All.
I’m more and more anxious about the caseworker coming on Saturday for the homestudy. Last time, we didn’t have our parenting skills put under a microscope but this time we will. I absolutely HATE having the state so involved in our lives but it’s a price I’m willing to pay. I was reminded again on this trip of God’s infinite wisdom and power. Sitting high on a hill overlooking the beautiful Texas Hill Country was breathtaking. The thought that jumped into my head was that if God can create everything as far as my eyes can see, He can surely take care of the details of this adoption. Once again, we’re going on faith and praying for wisdom. Afterall, if He wants this baby to join our family, it will be up to HIm to get all the details to fall into place.
I miss my little princess. I talked to her on the phone every day and Granny told me that she would hug the phone. I think she’ll be happy to see us and I’m a little worried that she’ll be attached to my hip for a week. Granny also said that she walked around the house looking for Speedy and the second day we were gone she climbed into his bed and layed down. Poor baby. At least I know she is having fun with Granny and being spoiled rotten.
Tomorrow, it’s back to business as usual as we all get back to work. I wish there were more opportunities for long weekends away. I think I’d like to live in a camper and roam the country. But definitely not with preschoolers.
Filed under: vacation
Today wasn’t as exciting as yesterday… adrenaline wise, anyway. We had a great day riding the ATVs and watching the animals. The buffalo were watched from afar this time.
Speedy got to open his new Spiderman fishing pole and had a blast practicing his casting all over the yard. 
He also found some catepillars and enjoyed letting them crawl all over his hands. It was difficult for him to understand why the catepillar would most likely die if it landed on mommy, but he was very careful not to get to close to me with it. Smart boy.
Dangling from most of the trees around here are these little green worms that spin webs kinda like spiders but not exactly. As you drive under and through the trees, you are bound to get some of the worms on you. I do not like this part of the trip. I DO NOT like worms. Especially little green ones that can crawl on you for who knows how long before you see them. Speedy was great at knocking them off of me but when I flicked one off of him, he said, “Mommy! Boys like worms!”
Some friends drove up from San Antonio to have dinner with us and we enjoyed our visit. Speedy had fun telling them all about the animals around here.
I was so intent to write about the Buffalo yesterday, I forgot to mention Speedy’s biology lesson. We drove up to a fence next to some Longhorns and were watching one and not paying too much attention to the others. Until the bull decided to mount the cow and we all got an eyeful. It was quite a display. SPeedy didn’t say anything immediately, but he did later say, “daddy, that bull just stuck something in that cow’s butt.” Oh dear. Today, he said something about it again and I just said, “Speedy, that’s how baby cows are made.” I waited to see if he would comment further, but he didn’t.
Part of me is afraid of what our family dog my face if Speedy ever decides he wants a puppy, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. I don’t think he knew what the bull was sticking in the cow so at least I don’t have to worry about that.
Oh, dear. There’s always something to learn around here.
Filed under: vacation
We arrived on the ranch just before 11pm and went straight to bed. What a surprise when we awoke to an unbelievalbe sight – deer feeding in the pasture; buffalo roaming and longhorns spread throughout. The rolling hills of the Texas Hill Country is just breathtaking.
After running into town to get supplies, we spent about 3 hours on the 4-wheelers, just exploring the 450 acre ranch and all the wildlife. Needless to say, Speedy was in hog heaven. I am certain his face is sore from all the smiling. He does very well driving the four wheelers – don’t worry, he’s not on them by himself.
An interesting thing happened with the buffalo. Did you know that Buffalo are not like cows? They don’t get spooked when people are close? Speedy and I were on the four wheeler and we zoomed by daddyo and heard him saying something and waving, but laughed and kept going. Afterall, the universal sign for “STOP” is not a hand waving, it is one hand extended.
I did stop when I saw a montrous buffalo stand up and turn towards us. It slowly started walking our direction and I got a little spooked. I put the four wheeler in reverse and it started moving faster. I got a lot spooked. I threw the thing into high gear, grabbed a hold of Speedy and took off like lightening. Speedy was screaming (though he wasn’t sure why) and I looked back to see a freakin’ herd of buffalo chasing behind us. Daddyo stopped and flagged us by him – as I flew past him I hoped he’d be okay and wouldn’t get trampled but at the same time I was grateful for his sacrifice. It never occurred to me to try and help him. By the time I looked back again, the coast was clear and daddyo looked like he was going to pee in his pants he was laughing so hard.
Evidently, the danger wasn’t severe and what he told me when he finally caught up was, “I yelled and told you not to go too fast and stir the buffalo all up. I was waving my hand to stop.” That’s when I explained about the universal sign for stop.
AS it turns out, the buffalo probably thought we were coming to feed them as that is one of the attractions on the ranch.
A quiet retreat with the family – $500
Gas for four wheelers – $50
New pair underpants – $10
Adrenaline rush – priceless
Today we buried my 19 year old cousin, Logan. He touched many hearts with his gentle smile and we were honored to have him in our family. 19 years is too short; it’s not a long enough time to spend with your child. Many people look at a funeral as a way to say goodbye. I’m glad that for us, it isn’t goodbye but see you later. We may not get to hug his neck again on this side of heaven, but we will be reunited one day.
I like to imagine that my maw-maw and uncle “burbie” were there waiting to greet him at the doors of heaven. Arms open wide, welcoming him into glory and taking him to sit at the feet of Jesus.
Although his body didn’t function the same way yours and mine does here on earth, tonight he is running on streets of gold. Laughing and singing “This Little Light of Mine”.
So shine on, Logan.
We’ll see you on the other side.
Filed under: Adoption Process
Okay, prayer warriors, please cover our home study worker. I think her name is Denise, though I’m not too sure. She’ll be coming out to do our study on Saturday, April 26 around noon. It’s always nerve racking to have someone evaluate your parenting skills. I’m a little nervous.
Please pray.
Sometimes I can’t believe we’re going through all of this again. No regrets, it’s just a pain in the butt.
Too much today to write about so I’ll keep it very short.
Encouraging information on baby.
Bad news on Stella.
Visit with an old friend.
Very bad news on my cousin.
Nice conversation with Speedy.
Worse news on my sweet cousin.
I’m tired. I have really great friends.
Stella was taken from school to a shelter today. I don’t think she’s going back to her foster home but since her caseworker never bothered to call and update me I’m not sure. Stella is making her choices and her future is ultimately in her hands. But I have to say that I’m dishing out equal blame on her foster mother and on my coordinator for this one. Why don’t they understand that by telling her what she can’t do when she is just venting that they are doing more harm than good? She just needs someone to get her, to understand her. We can drag her kicking and screaming to school but it’s up to her to learn. I say let her make her choices. Inform her of the natual consequences of her decisions, but let her make the choices. I mean, she’s going to make them anyway! Offer guidance, sure. AARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!
My uncle and family are facing a heartbreaking situation with my sweet cousin. Pray for wisdom, courage, discernment and comfort. Pray for God’s presence to surround them in amazing ways over the next few days and weeks.
Overall I have to say CRAP DAY today.
Except for the conversation I had with the Adoption Lady who filled in some gaps on a recent upset at the agency. Made me feel much better about the “system” placing baby with us. That’s the slice of sunshine from today. That, and a short visit with a great friend I hadn’t seen in a while.
Sigh.
Time for sleep and wake up tomorrow to start all over again. 
Wow. I really got your attention in that last post, didn’t I? I appreciate the support and words of encouragement. I have no doubt that God will give us what we need to face whatever it is He brings to us. I do find myself quoting “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition present your requests to God” daily. Sometimes hourly.
The anxiety is not about how to handle three kids… it’s about whether or not we’ll even get the chance. His will, not mine. Please pray for the worker who will be writing up our homestudy. This process can take anywhere from 30-45 days and we really need it done asap. Pray for a sense of urgency.
We decided to take Speedy with us on our little getaway. We just can’t leave him for four whole nights. It must sound terrible to say we can leave Princess, but it’s a little different with her because we are all she’s ever known. I think SPeedy needs a little extra from us and I think this is just what the doctor ordered. We will all have a wonderful time and grandparents will have a blast with the little Princess.
Stella. You haven’t heard much about her lately because she’s been doing really well. She’s been in the same foster home for FOUR months now and I’m thrilled. She looks amazing and has been doing really well. Last week, she turned 16. She decided she didn’t want to take her meds anymore so she is off of them now. I’m worried for how she’ll do without them.
I’m irritated that her foster mom (who overall is really great) did not know that as it stands now, Stella will not be considered a 10th grader next year if she doesn’t make up a half credit. She’s already a year behind and will turn 18 in her junior year. We mapped out an educational plan with her counselor but it’s going to be a lot work. I told her it was up to her to decide whether or not she wanted to do it. She told me today that she wants to quit school and does not want to attempt to graduate. Among other things, her plan right now is to get a job, get emancipated and move to Ohio. (puppy love)
What do you say to that? Telling her it isn’t realistic would not help her. So I just listened and told her it sounds like she’s got it all figured out. I told her that although the state could make her go to school, they couldn’t make her do the work and if she wanted to “quit” then that would be her choice. I casually mentioned that lots of people survive their whole life making only $8 an hour which is about what she can expect without a high school diploma. I suggested she do some research online to find out what it would take to get emancipated.
Understand this: I in no way want to see her make these choices. But she is 16 physically; 40 experience wise; 10 emotionally, etc… I can’t tell her what to do or how to do it. Me pointing out the absurdity of her plan will do nothing but make her angry and add fuel to the fire. Make her want to do it even more. So I just tried to listen and not ask too many questions. And not say all of the things that were coming to my mind. I’ve decided that the best thing I can do for Stella is to just be there. To listen and offer support and understanding when she needs it. There are enough people in her life pointing out the absurdity of plans and desires.
Here’s what really makes me angry. She called my coordinator and was very rude and ugly to her. My coordinator handled it poorly, in my opinion. Her immediate reaction was to revoke Stella’s priveledge of getting to travel with her aunt to go and visit some family in a neighboring state. Now, the reason is that she feels like Stella may not come back but I don’t think that’s a real issue. And I think my coordinator is giving Stella a consequence that takes away her right to see her family. And I don’t think it’s okay to do that. It’s not fair. Take away her Ipod, take away her phone, but don’t withdraw the opportunity to go and see her family. Not when you’ve already said she could go. Ugh.
I don’t seem to find/make the time to update very much anymore. I blog several times a week in my head, but fail to get my thoughts to my fingers. Which is really irritating since I do hope to someday write a book.
Whatever.
Hmmm… now I forgot what I wanted to say. Sigh.
The kids are amazing. Growing more and more independent every day which is FABULOUS for mommy and daddy. Sad, but fabulous. Daddyo and I are leaving for four nights and as the trip gets closer, we are seriously considering taking Speedy with us. He’d have so much fun and we just know he would LOVE the alone time with mommy and daddy. I think it would be really good for him to spend that time with us. We haven’t decided yet for sure.
Then there’s the whole baby thing. Maybe yes. Maybe no. Who knows? I’m still walking the fence. I can see myself carting a newborn around with Speedy and Princess, though. I can see and I love it. I can also see things staying the way they are now and I love that, too. We are truly happy with whatever God gives to us.
I am a little irritated these days, though. I know. You’re just overwhelmed with surprise that this chick is irritated at anything. When you get over the shock of that, you’ll unerstand. Maybe. I know there are people who don’t think I can handle three kids. It’s not the words that come out of their mouths but more what they don’t say. More what their tone says or their eyes. And I want to slap them. Really, really slap them. Because one, DUH! Who knows what they can or can’t handle it until it’s in their lap. And two, because not handling it will not be an option if it happens, you just do it. and three, because if I can handle a excessively hyper 2 year old and a newborn preemie with minor issues, I can handle adding another baby to my clan. I’ve had two years with Speedy and Princess. Adding a third will not be harder than starting with two the way we did. And if it is harder, it can’t be too much harder.
So give me a break. Have some faith in me. I may not do things the way you would do them. I may not do things the way you think they should be done. But that doesn’t mean I do things the wrong way. I have my struggles, sure, just like the next person. But I face them head on instead of pretending they aren’t there. I admit I need help when I need it. And boy do I sometimes need it. But that’s okay. It’s part of who I am. Admitting I have challenges doesn’t make me weaker. It makes me stronger. I am strong. I am capable. And most of all, I have God’s Grace to stand on.
I joke about having three kids and about how much it will suck to start all over again. I laugh about the torture we may be putting ourselves through. But you want to know my deep, dark secret truth? I’m delighted. I’m thrilled. I really hope we get to do it all over again. I’m not at all worried about the logistics of three kids. I’m not worried about how I’ll survive each day. We will do more than survive. There is room in my heart for one more and part of me is afraid that room will become a hollow place if it isn’t filled.
His will. Not mine.
In other news, I learned this week that there was very recently a case here in our area where CPS placed a newborn into a family different from the one who had the siblings. CPS knew the other family wanted to adopt the baby, but chose deliberately to place the baby in a different home. Unless there are some serious extinuating circumstances, that is an outrage to me.
Please pray that God will put the right people in the right places at the right times so we can bring our baby home.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Phillipians 4:6
Father, please protect our littlest child and keep him/her safe. Make a way for him to come home to us and thank you for the beautiful gift of this child.
Filed under: Adoption Process
I just can’t seem to get into the swing of things – blogwise. Most of life is pretty mundane right now and what’s not mundane is not something I really want to write about. Ironically, the blogs I most enjoy reading are those that lean more toward the mundane, day in and day out.
Speedy’s in school and the little princess is napping away. I just mowed the yard. Seriously. I really did. We got a riding lawn mower and it’s now fun to do the yardwork. (part of it, anyway) I may even break out the weedeater this afternoon.
I’m trying to prepare the kids the best I can about a baby coming, but also preparing them for maybe not. It’s turning out to be a neat little exercise with Speedy as we talk a lot about trusting God and being okay with wherever it is He leads us. Speedy is dead set on this baby being a boy. Funny thing is I can’t even make myself look at little girl bedding, dresses, etc…. It’s not that I don’t want another girl, I really don’t care one way or another. I want a healthy baby. I think it would be neat to have a boy since I missed the first two years with Speedy… then again, another girl wouldbe nice, too. It really doesn’t matter to me. But for some reason, I just keep thinking boy.
I have not yet purchased anything. Just not there yet. We have plans to rearrange…once again… and move my office back to the dining room. Converting my now office into a bedroom for Princess and leaing the nursery as is. If you could only see my office, you would know why the thought of losing the storage space and moving it all is quite painful.
So have a few guesses on due dates.
My guess stands at May 12.
I have another from Sarah for May 15.
And May 27 from Judy.
And now we have May 9 from the girl next door!
PS – i am not superstitious. I know all of these dates are early and I hope baby goes full term, but us guessing isn’t going to change what happens. No harm in my opinion. Oh, and girl next door, you gave me serious knots in my stomach with that earlier guess!
Any other takers?
By the way, today birthmom is 30 weeks.
Oh, and PS…. I haven’t recommended a game in a long time but I have one now. I stumbled across this one and it is very cool and thought provoking. Puts Google to use and is really a new concept – at least as far as what I’ve seen!
Well, I finally feel like we really are going to have a baby. I’m tracking baby’s progress and everything. LOL. What I mean is that I now have a due date. Right now, birthmom is 29 weeks pregnant, making her due on June 16. Ironically, June 16 is the birthday that daddyo and I share. I have no expectation of her making it to that date, but still I think it is way cool.
My money is on May 12 or somewhere closer to that.
Ready. Set. Baby.
Some of you may wonder what we’re doing to get prepared. Nothing, really. We have a bassinet and we’ll buy bottles when the time comes. We’ll have to go and get diapers, anyway.
God, please continue to protect this child from harm. Provide all the food and nutrition it needs and help this innocent little one to grow strong and healthy.
