My Ebenezer

While Speedy and I were in the pool, I was floating on a tube and he had his floaties on. He said, “i just want these off,” and I told him he had to leave the floaties on. I didn’t, however, say anything about his bathing suit which is was he was obviously talking about. Seconds after saying that, he proudly presented his swim trunks to me as he free-balled it through the water. (pardon the pun) Thankfully, no one was around so I quickly got his swim trunks back on him but I realized too late that I had both legs through one hole on the inside part.

Looking around to make sure no one was watching (there still wasn’t anyone in that pool) I quickly brought Speedy to the steps where I removed his trunks and them put them back on the right way. Now I’m wondering, which is worse? The 3 year old who really doesn’t know any better removing his suit or his 33 year old mom who does know better.

On a different topic, you know that kid who’s always peeing in the kiddie pool? I mean, most kids do that, but I’m talking about the one who whips it right out and pees in front of God and everyone right into the water and anyone who happens to get in the way. Geez, I sure wish his parents would teach him to not pee in public. While they’re at it, they could also teach him to not pee in the shower.

You guessed it. The kid pulling his trunks down just enough to let Mr. Winkie out so he could pee in the pool right in the FREAKING MIDDLE of it, that’s my kid. Good ole Speedy. So let me tell you a thing or two about this kids parents. They were mortified when he peed in the pool where everyone could see. I mean, at least be a little discreet, you know what I mean? But seriously, I’m dying and I’m also doing everything I can to not crack up laughing and pee on myself in the process. I grab Speedy and carry him out of the kiddie pool and we go up for the night. (it was time, anyway) All the way up, I give Speedy a crash course on why it isn’t okay to pee in the pool and why if he is going to have an accident he should at the very least KEEP IT IN HIS PANTS!

He knew he needed to pee. We were right there. He knew enough ahead of time that he had plenty of time to whip it out. So why in the world couldn’t he have gone to the restroom that was only about 20 feet away?

So you want to know something else about the kid’s who pees in the pool parents? They secretly think it is hysterical that their three year old did that and the hope your all-too-perfect-would-never-do-that-kid got in the direct path of his stream.

You know that kid in the pool who’s always peeing in the water?