Filed under: Child Advocates
the answer to the question in the previous post. After talking to everyone including the sherriff’s department you finally just hotline it and let the on call CPS worker take care of it. Wish I had known there was an “on call” CPS worker before now.
I did talk to Stella and I know that she is at least safe for now. For what it’s worth, she “promised” to stay put unless she talks to me first.
Bleh. Stella. Stella. Stella.
Filed under: Child Advocates
the child your represent through child advocates runs away from the foster home and you know where she is?
Anyone?
Anyone?
Yeah, me either. I called my coordinator who is calling her supervisor to find out what the protocol is.
I’m not sure, but I have a sneaking suspicion that she’ll be getting to ride in the back of a police car to get to her next destination.
Oh, Stella. It’s just too hard to trust anyone, isn’t it?
Stella. Stella. Stella.
What I want to say to Stella, but can’t. At least not yet. Probably not ever.
Dear Stella,
I am so sorry “the system” has let you down. You should have been removed from the care of your family when you were born and you never should have been returned to them. For fifteen years you have been bounced around from home to home, some relative placements, some straight foster placements and nothing seems to stick. It looks like everywhere you go people give up on you. Your behaviors are difficult to manage but that is not your fault. You don’t deserve what has happened to you and I’m sorry it hasn’t been better.
The good news is that you can decide what happens in your future. You have choices to make and what happens next IS up to you. You can choose to let your past haunt the rest of your life or you can choose to work through it and turn your life into a happily ever after story. It’s up to you now. Your family failed you. “The system” failed you. Society failed you. But you don’t have to fail yourself.
Sincerly,
Your Advocate
UGH. This is hard, guys. Working with a teenager adds a whole new twist to the whole Child Advocates thing because she is old enough to make choices and to have a say in what happens next. I see so many places where Stella is not getting what she needs from CPS. I know, no big surprise there, right? But some of it may be more than what even CPS is able to do. What do I want? I want CPS to move mountains for this girl. It’s what I’m asking and it’s what I’m believing is going to happen. MOUNTAINS. Because one lost girl, one life changed, is worth it.
The Bible says that faith as small as a mustard seed can move a mountain – won’t you help me move a mountain on behalf of Stella? Pray for emotional healing, pray for self-control, pray for the ability for her to make rational decisions, pray for wisdom and pray for her caregiver. She matters.
Filed under: Princess
It looks like we have finally discovered the motivation Princess needs to start walking – FOOD! She took two steps towards her aunt Brigitte this morning when we were at Pump It Up because she thought Brigitte had food. 
TWO STEPS! And she wasn’t even trying. You go, girl!
I know sometimes it doesn’t automatically log you in so if you want to see the new photos I’ve posted, be sure to log in!
And while you’re here, I may as well tell you what Speedy said about Princess in the bathtub.
Pointing to her butt that was sticking up in the air as she was crawling after a toy….
Speedy: mommy, what’s that?
me: what’s what?
Speedy: is that sissy’s butt?
me: Um, yeah, that’s her butt
Speedy: what’s IN there?
me: Um, that’s where her poop lives
Speedy: Sissy has a BIGGER butt than me!
And she does. My baby has some serious back!
Filed under: God's Love for us
It’s getting late and I’m in one of those moods so it looks like tonight may be a post-a-thon!
You must be getting tired of hearing me write about how much God is teaching me through my kids but it just never gets old – there is a new lesson every day. I think I struggled to understand God’s love for me a lot when I was growing up and even as an adult. I didn’t have a father actively participating in my life and demonstronating unconditional love for me and that often left me feeling unworthy of that love. Although my mom was incredible, I believe there is something special about a dad’s love that God uses to show us His love. I don’t know.
Anyway, since having Princess and Speedy I hear God’s whisper in my heart almost daily, “see, that’s how I love you…that much and more…” Daddy and Speedy went out for a bit this afternoon and I was hanging out with Princess. I just enjoyed spending some one on one time with her, even though we weren’t doing anything special. I tried to get her to talk and when she would repeat a new word I was so happy and we’d both just giggle. And I thought how much I love just being with her (Speedy, too) and how much I love when she just crawls over and gives me random hugs and wants to love on me a bit. And it’s like God was saying, “I like that, too.” I know He gets as much pleasure when we just spend time with Him, one on one, even if we aren’t doing anything special. I know He is thrilled when we just “love on Him” for a while for no special reason. And when He sees us learning something new I know He is just as thrilled as I am when I watch Princess.
There is a yearning in my heart to just be with my kids – not out of a need but out of a deep love. I believe God has that same yearning to be with us.
I learn something new every day. Look at your kids and spend a minute thinking about how much you adore them. Now multiply that times a gillion. That’s how much God loves you.
Filed under: Day after day
Why child labor laws don’t apply here.
You’ve heard many stories about Speedy and how clever and funny and michevious he can be so it should come as no surprise that his little sister is learning her part.
On Sunday, we went to my mom’s for lunch and I was trying to get Princess to take a nap in the crib upstairs. Now she has slept there before and usually does okay with it and the girl was T-I-R-E-D! I half expected her to fall asleep in her high chair. I put her in the bed and she stood up, which isn’t all that unusual, except I watched her throw her pacifier onto the floor. Princess WILL NOT sleep without her “pappy”. She throws it on the floor and there is no way the kid will go to sleep. So I let her play for a few minutes then I give the pappy back to her and lay her back down and I go lay down on the bed myself. And she plays for a while then throws it out again and just grins at me. So I give it back to her and I stand there and rub her back while she is laying down and sing to her a bit to try and get her to sleep. She obviously doesn’t want to lay still because she knows she’ll crash so she keeps wiggling and trying to move around and throws a little fit when I keep her still. She cries and fusses and every time she tries to get up I put her back down and say, “NO, Princess! Night night time”. And she KNOWS what this means. I finally lay back down and decide to just ignore her for a while thinking she’ll eventually give it up, right? Wrong. She is standing in the bed and LITERALLY falls down because she is so tired and lets her head lay there for just a few seconds then bounces back up again. I sit up like I’m going to walk over there and lay her back down and – and I’m NOT exaggerating here – she DIVES down onto the mattress, puts her head down and grins like she’s been “asleep” the whole time. So I lay back down. And she gets back up. I sit up. She dives down. I lay down. She gets up. I sit up. She dives down. I lay down. She stands up. I sit up. She dives down. I give up.
We left and she was asleep before we got out of the neighborhood – went down in her crib when we got home and slept for another two hours. Little stinker.
She likes to repeat words now and when she feels like it, you can get her to say just about anything. Her favorite word, though, is still “hi” and she likes to wave when she says it. The babysitter told me that while Princess was watching Dora this morning, she kept saying “backpack”. Wow – two syllables. What a little genius!
This morning I awoke to Speedy saying, “Mommy. Daddy. I’m awake now. Time to wake up.” He was still in his bed and was waiting for us to come and get him. It’s strange how now a days he stays in bed when daddy’s at work and waits for me to go and get him but will get out of bed when Daddy is home. It’s not like I fuss at him or anything so I really don’t know what’s up with this new little phase…..but I’m not complaining, either! So this morning I say, “Goooood Morning, Speeedy!” and this is the greeting I get in return: “Be quiet, mommy, so I can hear daddy!” To say he is a daddy’s boy would be the understatement of the year. I go to his room and give him a big hug and as he’s getting out of bed he says, “I sure love those huggins, mommy!”
Am I in trouble with these two, or what?
Filed under: Speedy
Speedy and Princess are having some playroom time right now and Speedy is ready to come out, even though they have a few more minutes until I’m ready for that.
Speedy: Mommy! Can I come out now?
Me: No, Speedy, you have a few more minutes. When I get dressed then I’m going to get you and Princess dressed.
Speedy: But mommy! It’s 8:30 O’Clock I have to come out now.
Me: (laughing) It’s 8:30 o’clock?
Speedy: Yes, 8:30 O’CLOCK!
Me: Okay, you have ten more minutes then. You can come out when it is 8:40 O’clock.
So he and Princess play for about another 30 seconds before I hear him playing with the blinds.
Me: Speedy, don’t play with the blinds, find a toy instead.
Speedy: Mommy! Did you know I’m tall?
Me: yes, you are very tall
Speedy: I’m really tall
Me: yes
Speedy: I need a diet coke…….a man needs Diet Coke……I’m tall like a man now.
Me: (no response because I’m giggling too much)
Speedy: Mommy, I a man and I really need dat Diet Coke.
Sometimes it still hits me – I have a son and a daughter. You’d think I’d be used to it by now but I’m not. A daughter. A son. Wow.
I’ve been meaning to tell you that Princess is talking now – or at least she is saying a few words. She’s been saying “ma ma” for a while now but recently she has added “Nay Nay” (this is what she calls Speedy) and “hat” and “Bye bye” (i think those were her first real words) and now she also says, “hi”. I can get her to repeat me or to attempt to repeat me on just about anything but those are words she seems to really know.
We’re still not walking but we’re getting closer. Sometimes I worry a little that she’s not walking yet, but I know she will when she is good and ready. I actually think she could walk now if she wanted to. Princess is very sweet and affectionate – when I’ve been gone or in the other room for a while and I go in the room where she is, she’ll immediately crawl to me with a huge smile on her face and give me a hug. (her version of a hug is to lay her head up against you.) There is no doubt that girl loves her mommy and no doubt I love her.
Poor Speedy must have fallen out of his bed tonight because when I went to check on him he was curled up and asleep on the floor. He never cried or fussed so I’m thinking he must not have woken up – he didn’t wake up when I picked him up and put him back in bed. He’s really such a sweetheart, too. He almost always tells me “thank you” when I bring him his sippy cup or something else he wanted. This morning we went to the grocery store and I wasn’t feeling all that great (sinus thing) and was a little grumpy. After fussing at him a little for not moving as fast as I wanted him too, he said, “mommy, did you get mad with me?” I just looked at him and said, “Speedy, I’m sorry, mommy doesn’t feel good today and I just don’t have a lot of patience.” His response? “here, mommy,” as he puts his fist out, “you can have some of my patience.”
How did we get so lucky?
I’m in mourning. I don’t have anything black to wear but mentally I am one with ebony. It’s very sad to lose a loved one, especially when you are unsure if you will ever see that loved one again. I fear I have seen the last of this one and words simply can not express the loss I feel.
Naptime.
It’s gone for Speedy. The last two days he took naps but then couldn’t get to sleep before 10pm and was up at 7am. This schedule does not work for me so we’re giving up our beloved naptime so that he will sleep more at night. 
Right now, he is on the couch watching a movie – which is what our “naptime” has turned into. It’s okay as long as he’ll actually stay on the couch and have some quiet time but when you’re three, 5 minutes can feel like an eternity.
Speaking of time, when exactly does five minutes go from a long time to nothing at all? A year once seemed like forever and now it’s a mere breath away. When, and how, does that happen?
Anyway, his naps are gone which means mine are too – and let’s face it, that’s what I’m really sad about. My little boy is growing up. He’s even getting a little better at potty training – though last night he pooped in the bathtub when the babysitter was here. What can I say? Thank God it was her and not me who had to clean that crap up.
Speedy also has a new trick. He can now open the refrigerator all by himself. Mothers everywhere are gasping in horror and sympathy at the mere thought. Yes, he can pull the door open and reach the first few shelves just fine. Good news is that now I can keep a sippy in there for him so he can help himself when he’s thirsty. Bad news is that I’m going to have to figure out how to keep everything that is breakable on the top two shelves and pray he doesn’t figure out he can climb up to them.
Sigh.
It won’t be long before he’ll be able to go in the den in the morning and get his own breakfast and turn on the tv for himself to watch a few cartoons while mom sleeps in. Hey, there’s nothing sad about THAT!
It fills my heart to watch him grow and gain independence but at the same time it makes me sad to realize he is needing me less and less with each passing day. I’m sure there is a spiritual lesson in there somewhere – but I’ve got to go check on my couch potato and make sure he isn’t in the refrigerator.
Filed under: Child Advocates
I met “Stella” for the first time today. She is my very first “child” under my new role of Child Advocate. I am her court appointed Guardian Ad Litem. I’ve read her case file, her family history, her school reports, etc…. And today, i got to visit with her face to face.
I am amazed at how intelligent she is, given the circumstances she comes from. We had a good visit and I think we’ve layed the groundwork for a good rapport but only time will tell. I left with a sick feeling in my stomach because I realized that I felt like her situation was hopeless. As a Christian, I don’t know what it means to be without hope but today I think i caught a glimpse of what thay must be like. It still hurts a bit in the very core of who I am, that a child can get so lost and so abandoned. It was one thing reading her file; it was another looking into her eyes.
I knew this would be hard and I hope it always is. What I mean is that I hope the hurt I feel never goes away; if it does then what does that say about who I’ve become? These kids don’t need our sympathy but they do need our compassion. They need us to hurt enough to be motivated to act on their behalf. Even when they may not realize they need an advocate in their corner. Maybe especially when they don’t realize it.
Stella has had a hard life. Though she is many years my junior, in life experience she is older than I’ll be in twenty more years. I was a little nervous to meet her because there are so many people “butting into her life” right now….I didn’t want to be just another face asking a bunch of questions. Besides that, let’s face it, teenagers are freakin’ scary. Did I just hear you say ‘Amen’?
I like her. I like her rough edges and tuff exterior. Most of all, I like her smile. Something tells me that seeing it is a priveledge and one I won’t soon take for granted. I hope and pray that I can help her – or should I say that she can be helped through something I am able to do for her. I think I understand now more than ever what it means to “advocate for a child”.
There is a part of me that can’t help but wonder if she could have been my child……if intervention hadn’t happened for my Speedy and Princess, if they could have ended up where she is now. I hope that will make me a better advocate.
Pray for Stella. Pray for a miracle that only God can provide for this hurting girl.
I don’t think I ever really understood the meaning of the word delight until I had kids. There is no better way to describe how I feel when I watch Speedy do something clever or funny…..or when I watch Princess squeal and crawl to me as fast as she can because she is so excited to see me when I’ve gone.
So many times in the Bible, God calls us His children. Does He really feel about me the way I feel about Speedy and Princess? It’s hard to imagine that He takes the same delight in me – if not more – that I take my children. It absolutely fills my heart when Princess is just overjoyed to see me and runs – okay, crawls – as fast as she can to reach me. It gives me a small glimpse of how God must kneel down with His arms wide open just waiting for us to run and jump into them – waiting for us to squeal with delight at the sight of Him. I wonder if He sits and just watches us do normal things and is so delighted with us when we do.
I’m so pleased with Speedy uses his manners without being reminded – when he says “May I please” instead of “give me!” I wonder if this is how God feels when I pray, “not my will but Yours” instead of “Lord, please give me….” Or when I catch him being kind to Princess – surely that is similar to how God feels when He catches us being kind to one another.
I’ve often heard people ask how there could possibly be a God who would allow such horrible things to happen. Then I think about times Speedy or Princess have been right next to me and have fallen and gotten hurt. I just wasn’t fast enough to catch them – not that God is ever unable to do anything. But I can easily compare how sometimes maybe God doesn’t just “allow” something but instead just doesn’t prevent it. I don’t know if that makes sense to you or not, but it does to me. Because whenever my kids are hurting I am right there to pick them up and kiss their boos boos. And when they really hurt, I hurt too. My heart breaks every time theirs does. Surely God’s heart, which has a much greater capacity for love also has a much great capacity for hurt. Yet He loves anyway, as do we as parents.
As I write this, I can’t help but think not only of the hurt my babies may face today but also of the heartache I know they’ll face tomorrow. When they are old enough to understand more about their beginnings – there is great potential for much heartache there. I could make up a pretty story about how they came to be ours but I love them too much to do that. I know that even though it may hurt them for a while, that truth will make them stronger and I pray will help them experience God’s love on a deeper level. And you can bet I will be there every step of the way.
Some people ask how God can let some things happen. I can’t help but ask how anyone survives without believing in God to pick them up and kiss all their boos boos away.
He will, you know. It may take some time, but He can turn ALL things to good.
My God is just cool like that.
Filed under: Speedy
Crazy day.
Exhausted.
Going to sleep now.
Will post later.
Speedy had a dry pull up ALL day today. Woo hoo!
That’s what Speedy thinks he is these days. Ever since his birthday, he thinks he is big and tough – partly because of us. It usually works when I say something like, “Speedy, you need to listen – you’re a big boy now, three year olds know how to listen.” He will almost immediately comply with whatever I’m requesting when I play that card. In fact, the other day I asked him if he wanted to be two again and that really got him moving. (I know, I’m not out to win any mothering awards)
So anyway, I’m thinking I’m all clever and everything until I realized that Speedy is a bit more clever. I asked him to do something, I can’t remember what it was, and he looked at me with a very serious face and said, “No, mommy, I’m three now and three year olds don’t do that.”
I thought I might pee in my pants I laughed so hard. Didn’t even attempt to correct him so I’m sure we’ll be having a conversation about that soon. It’s scary when you think your 3 year old might be more clever than you are.
On a side note, Daddy, Speedy, Princess and I were all snuggled up on the couch watching a Piglet movie this morning and I just looked at Daddy and said, “It doesn’t get any better than this, does it?”
Filed under: Day after day
Let’s not forget who we really should be thanking on Easter Sunday.
“He paid a debt He did not owe; I owed a debt I could not pay; I needed someone to wash my sins away. And now I sing a brand new song, ‘Amazing Grace’. Christ Jesus paid the debt that I could never pay.“
My children are being reminded 6 different times this season about Jesus’ gift to us. Yes, you read that correctly, they each got SIX different “Easter baskets” of one sort or another. Thankfully, they’ve already gone through two of them so there’s just four to deal with tomorrow. I consolidated a little so it doesn’t actually look like four seperate baskets but I’ll be sure to point out what the Easter Bunny brought and what gmas, aunts, etc… sent for them. It’s so nice to see the love overflowing for our babies.
Speedy is excited about seeing what the Easter Bunny brought for him – I think he’s going to love it. We’ll have to wait until tomorrow to find out for sure, but I have an idea he’s getting lots of little stuff to help him collect bugs. ICK!
Speaking of the Easter Bunny, I got a visit from a very sexy Easter Bunny this year. I guess Daddy probably wouldn’t want to be called any kind of “bunny” but you know what I mean. Before you conjure up images of Easter bunnies in g-strings (not that any of us could possibly find that sexy) let me explain. Maybe sexy wasn’t the right word afterall but how often do you get to use it in the same sentence with “Easter Bunny”?
Anyway, daddy and Speedy came home from the store yesterday and then daddy went back out to his truck with a garbage bag. He came in and proceeded to duct tape the bag round and round to keep it shut. If you’re wondering why, you’ll have to go back and read some of the December archives to learn how sneaky I can be at getting into presents. He had gotten me and Easter basket! We’ve been married for 6 1/2 years and we’ve never given each other anything for Easter. It’s just not a time when we normally exchange gifts. But he did get me something this year and he let me open it tonight. Are you ready for this? Want to know why I married this sweet man?
In the Easter Basket was a pair of flip flops with a silver heart on them. They are more like sandals than flips in the way they look – a bit dressier. Anyway, a friend at church had a pair on that I really liked because they looked like Brightons and I’m a big fan… he went looking for them and when he couldn’t find them, he looked this girl’s number up and called her to ask again where she got them. She told him that she’d just bought a similar pair and gave him the info and those are the ones he bought. (they were out of the first pair she had) To make sure he got the size right, he looked at another pair of my shoes before leaving the house. How sweet is all of that? What a man.
Oh, and it didn’t hurt that he threw in NINE bags of my FAVORITE easter candy. Now I just have to buy about 35 more so I’ll have one a week until they start selling them again next year.
You know you’re really lazy when you search the pile of clean laundry on the couch and can’t find any clean underwear. Especially when you factor in that the pile has been there for more than a week and was once full of clean underwear. I had to laugh when Daddy couldn’t find any underwear last night and he eventually laughed, too. Seeing as how it is my job to do the laundry, I’m lucky he laughed.
When he couldn’t find any, I ran to our bathroom and said, “you have at least one clean pair…I know it!” He was less than pleased when I pulled out the Valentine underwear with red hearts all over it that I gave him a few years back. It was a joke gift that came in handy last night! Daddy is a manly manly manly man – he likes trucks, he likes to fix stuff, he likes guns and he likes to go hunting and fishing – there is nothing metrosexual about him so underpants with hearts on them just really aren’t his thing.
Sadly, I still haven’t washed any clothes today – guess I better get on that. I’ve been busy. My day started by leaving Speedy at school WITHOUT his Easter basket because I somehow missed the memo telling me about the Easter egg hunt they were having today. Thankfully, I was not the only award-winning mommy to forget the dern basket and another one ran to the store and brought back a basket for her son and one for mine – wasn’t that nice?
After displaying my bad-mommy behavior, I flew across town to meet with my client’s case worker and to review her file. Well, I was supposed to review the file but didn’t have a chance because I had to get back home to relieve the sitter. I’ll go in and read the file tomorrow morning at the Child Advocates office instead. I did get some helpful information and will talk more on that later.
So I drive faster than I should to get home and relieve the sitter, dress Princess and go out again to take her to the doctor. Ear infection. Ugh! Shot. OUCH! Sucker. YUM! got it? good.
The best part of the day was being able to officially change Princess’ name at the doctor’s office and at the Pharmacy! Woo Hoo!
After I left the doctor’s, I flew back across town to drop off prescriptions, fill up with gas and go pick up Speedy from school. Mother’s Day Out was over. Boo. Where did it go? It should have been called, “Mother’s Day From Hell”. ‘Cause that’s what it felt like.
I’ve been running around like crazy all day and I have done NO laundry – and when i say “do laundry” I’m only talking about washing and drying it because I obviously don’t believe in putting it away. I also have ZERO plans for dinner. Thank God for PB&J. Crap. I hope we have bread.
Filed under: Child Advocates
Tomorrow morning I get to visit with my “client’s” caseworker and read her case file. This will give me the history of her case and will help me see the big picture of what’s happening with her. I’m quite anxious to meet her and hope that I will be able to do that next week.
As excited as I am about this new path in my life, I know that it will sometimes be unbearably painful. I’m guessing when kids are returned to bad situations will be the worst. I know it won’t always be easy – maybe it never will. But I think that’s why it’s so important that I do it. Because it won’t be easy, there are a lot of people who won’t be up to the challenge. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting that I am any more capable than the next person – the ONLY thing I am is willing. I’m counting on God for the rest.
Filed under: Child Advocates
I was assigned to my first case with Child Advocates today. I’m very excited and can’t wait to meet my “client”. I’m not sure what I will and won’t be able to share here about my cases – I certainly won’t be breaking any confidentiality rules. I can’t give you lots of details or anything like that but I think it will be okay for me to speak generally about my experience with it all.
I can tell you that my first client is a young teenager. I’ll have to think of a nickname for her but I’ll do that after I meet her in person.
The first step in the whole process is for my coordinator and myself to go and visit with the CPS caseworker and review the case file. After that, I’m sure I’ll be making arrangements to visit with my client.
In the meantime, I have a new prayer request for all of you prayer warriors out there – please lift up this client of mine and her caregiver. And pray that I will have discernment and wisdom with regard to her case.
Filed under: Speedy
Speedy’s birthday party was on Saturday and the theme was “construction” by his own choosing. We planned to have it at the park but as the day drew closer, we knew that probably wouldn’t happen.
As luck would have it, we got it with some nasty thunderstorms early Saturday morning that knocked out. Speedy knew his party was that day so there was no way I was going to cancel it. For all you procrastinators out there, here’s a good reason to not put off cleaning until the morning of the party. You can’t vacum without electricity and it’s hard to see well enough to do a decent job sweeping.
We kept thinking the power would come back soon, but it was 8am and the party started at 10am. We started calling people and telling them to bring flashlights and decided we should set the tent up in the playroom. (The big one we take camping …. well, we camped in it once) I’m still not sure why we thought of that, I guess because we had no electricity or something? Anyway, I figured the kids would be entertained by it and I was right.
So it’s 9:30am… still no lights and we are all still in our pajamas. Daddy and I have been trying to clean and at this point I’m just praying the lights stay out until everyone leaves so no one will see how badly I need to vacuum.
The party was a lot of fun and I think the kids had a great time. I know Speedy had fun and that is really all that matters, right? The lights did come back on about halfway through the party but there was already wrapping paper and stuff everywhere so it was hard to tell what may have been on the floor before the party started. ha ha
All in all, I’d say the party was a success. But next year, we’re going to have it someplace else – indoors, just in case of rain.
The funniest part of the whole day was Speedy trying to figure out why we couldn’t just turn the lights on. We told him the electricity was out and that we needed the electricity to turn the lights on. He thought about it for a few minutes and then said, “awww, poor tricity.”
Have I told you lately how much I love that kid?
