My Ebenezer

Sigh.

Watching the world around me has turned into a whole new experience since having children. It’s like I’m seeing colors I never new existed before – so many things look strangely new with the addition of this color called motherhood. It’s a deep and vibrant shade that I have difficulty describing because it is like no other color.

But it isn’t actually a color at all. It’s watching a bull rider get the snot knocked out of him by bull and feeling my heart break in a place I didn’t know existed before. It’s hearing about a 12 year old Boy Scout lost in the wilderness and feeling like an elephant is sitting on my chest. It’s an ache deep inside me that screams, “That man/boy is someone’s son.” It’s all I could think of at the rodeo and all I can think of when I watch the news.

I see everything differently now. I know I’ll never be the same again. Even more, I know I’ll never want to.