My Ebenezer

I’m putting it off as long as I can but I know the time is fast approaching when I’ll have to start potty training Speedy.

I think he is ready, but I’m not. I’ve looked over a few books and a few articles, but none of it sounds simple enough. I want the “explain it once – it works forever” technique but so far it doesn’t seem to exist. The idea of cleaning pee and poop off of my carpet as we go through this process doesn’t sound like fun at all.

So, I’m looking for some advice. If you have a littly boy who has been potty trained in the last year or two, tell me how you did it!

After Speedy brought his dirty diaper to me the other day – he took off all his clothes AND his diaper – I went out and bought some training underwear and some pull-ups. I figured that was my hint to get it started. He has a little potty and he’ll even sit on it and then as soon as he gets off and puts a diaper on, he poops. ?

Something tells me there isn’t a real easy answer here, but I’m sure hoping to find one.

What a difference six months makes:

Speedy and Princess had only been with us a week or two when this photo was taken:

And now, six months later:

It has now been four weeks since BM and BF have seen Speedy and Princess.

Is it wierd that part of me is still rooting for them? Still hoping they will show up? Hoping they’ll get their lives together? Of course, I don’t want that to happen before Sept. 26……but I don’t think it could anyway. They have a long road ahead of them if they ever choose recovery.

But why aren’t they coming? Have they given up? Have they decided the kids are better off where they are? Is it just not important to them? Do they even care?

So maybe the heat has been too much and they can’t get to the office for visits. But they haven’t even called. Not to check on the kids. Not to ask when they can see them again. They haven’t even called. Is it so hard to find 35 cents? I realize they are beyond indigent, but come on. You can ask to use a public phone. You can borrow someone’s cell phone.

My heart aches for Speedy and Princess. I can’t help but wonder if one day they may feel like they weren’t worth fighting for. Like they weren’t worth getting better for. We will give them unconditional love and I can only hope that it’s enough. I pray they learn to trust God early in their lives and that they learn to realize their value through Him.

How crazy is it that I want to drive to their apartment and talk to them…ask them where they’ve been and what they’re thinking. If I were raging and ranting it would be one thing but that’s not what I’m talking about. I want to see them, to tell them that Speedy and Princess are okay. That they will always be loved. And to ask them one question, Why?

I had some trouble loading pictures. Can you see them in this post?

I have a special request for all of you bloglanders. There are two people who are being directly affected by all of this who will be pretty much overlooked by the system and all else involved. I’d like you to say a special prayer for Speedy and Princess’ paternal grandparents, Granny and Grandad.

G&G are genuinely happy that Speedy and Princess are in our home and that they will be loved and taken care of. They are on board with adoption. However, all of this has to be bittersweet for them. Tempered with their joy for Speedy and Princess is their loss for BF. They are dealing with more than most of us could imagine right now and they are handling it with more grace than one would believe possible.

In the midst of hearing about the court’s decision on Tuesday, G&G were concerned with our feelings. They are very sweet people and they will always be actively involved in our children’s lives as grandparents. I’d just like for you all to say a special prayer that God will give them peace about decisions they’ve had to make and everything that is happening within their family.

This has to be the most commonly asked question over the past few days.

You may find my answer surprising. I’m not excited in the sense that one might expect me to be excited. I am incredibly happy that we are one step closer to adoption but I wasn’t surprised by the outcome of Tuesday’s hearing. Before I get in trouble for sounding too confident, let me just say that my confidence is in God, not myself or the court system or CPS. So my excitement came a long time ago, when we first got the kids.

I don’t know if that makes any sense. I am excited, just not jumping up and down excited. I’m thrilled about these kids and I can’t wait until they are legally ours, but I guess I didn’t feel some great release at the judge’s words. Maybe this sounds nuts but since I wasn’t too worried, I wasn’t real relieved…..know what I mean?

Anyway, if I had to sum up my feelings in one word, it would be

GRATEFUL.

The same way I felt when I first met my husband. Grateful to God for bringing these children to our lives. Grateful for infertility. Grateful for unanswered prayers. Grateful for a God who knows what I want before I even know it exists.

I love Speedy and Princess so completely with my heart. In my mind, I know they are not legally ours and I will celebrate the day we change their last names. On one hand, I don’t think things will feel any different when they become ours…..on the other hand, I think everything will be different. But one thing that will remain is my gratefulness. I’m completely humbled that God would see fit to give us two incredibly beautiful gifts.

We’re beginning to talk a little more with Speedy about what is happening – using stories and very simple explanations. We aren’t going into any detail and we aren’t pushing anything until we get  TPR. But we wanted to lay some groundwork. I hope he gets to visit with BM and BF at least one more time before everything is final. Part of me wants that more for them than for Speedy.

Although they have made their own choices, I want them to have an opportunity to say goodbye. They are people who have made terrible decisions but they are still people…they are still Speedy and Princess’s birthparents. We’ve been calling them mommy___ and daddy____ for the last few months. Before long, we’ll start calling them by their first names only. Transitioning.

As we move forward, we must make decisions about what information to share with Speedy and Princess and how to share it. I’m not talking about details, I’m talking about what words to use, ya know? We never want them to suddenly realize they were adopted. No surprises. And I want to be honest with them, but at an age appropriate level. We’ll have to get together with our families who will be spending time with them and make sure we are all on the same page so we’ll all be prepared to answer questions if they arise. The one thing I’m certain of is that I do not want to be negative about their birthparents but I’m not sure how to “explain” things without it.

I don’t want to say they were “sick” because then when studlyman or I get sick I don’t want them to worry that they may be adopted again. I dunno. I think the hardest part of being a parent is all the decisions. Whether or not to go to the doctor, which school is best, etc……

I guess we’ll figure it out through a lot of prayer.

I don’t even have the words to offer up the praise I have for our awesome God right now. He is so faithful and so good.

Judge set a trial date for Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) for September 26, 2006. We have been fast tracked. Most likely, on this date TPR will be granted and the children become free for adoption. We should be able to get everything finalized by the end of the year. Christmas is almost here.

Visits are no longer scheduled for every Friday. If and when the bios show up again for a visit, they will have to work with us, through the caseworker, to arrange a time to see the kids. So for now, I have Fridays free again.

In our wildest dreams we couldn’t have asked for more. He gave us two precious children and He is working out all of the details. Faster than what was to be expected.

Praise God. PRAISE God. Praise GOD. PRAISE GOD!

This was only a day or so after we brought Princess home from the hospital. Speedy was 22 1/2 months and Princess was about 2 1/2 weeks old.

These were taken last week. Speedy is 2 years and 4 months and Princess is 6 months.

 

Tomorrow is court. This time tomorrow, I’ll be getting ready to head out and will no doubt be feeling a little anxious. More than anything, I’m just ready to see what’s going to happen. I’m feeling confident and pretty relaxed about the whole thing – let’s see if that holds up tomorrow morning.

Part of me is afraid because I’m so calm about it all. Isn’t that funny? I pray for peace, I get it, and then I worry that I’m “too calm”. How incredibly human of me. God must be shaking His head as I write this.

I will be shocked if the bios show up for court. I just can’t imagine them standing before the judge when they haven’t done anything that has been asked of them by the court. They haven’t shown up to see the kids in the last three weeks, either. None of this looks good for them and they may have to answer some tough questions if they are there.

I feel good about a fast track. I’m hoping and praying that is what the judge decides. And I’m counting on you to pray with me. Please pray:

• that the judge will decide to fast track this case
• that the judge will set a date for termination that is not more than a month or two from now
• that the Ad Litem who will be appointed to represent the birth parents will not put his/her own (ie: the need to simply win) needs before those of the family
• that this Ad Litem will see the case for what it is and will explain options to the bios about relinquishing and what choices they will have if they do that
• that BM and BF will find the strength and clarity to recognize that they can not care for these children – that the love they have for them will turn into a choice to sign over their rights so their kids have the opportunity for a better life
• for Speedy and Princess as their fate is being decided, that God will give them a sense of peace and security
• for H, the new caseworker assigned to the kids, that God will give her wisdom and discernment and courage to boldly present her case
• for M, our caseworker, that she will have the courage to speak out and advocate for these kids
• for God’s perfect will, not ours

Jeremiah 29:11, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord. ‘They are for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.’”

I know we said originally that we were going to keep Princess’ first name. We changed our minds – we decided to change it about 3 months ago and it has taken us that long to pick one we both really like. I guess we’re lucky, most people don’t get the opportunity to try out a name before they choose it. ha ha ha

We decided on Emma Grace. It’s popular, yes, but we like it. For now, we’ll go on calling her all the pet names we’ve come up with like Sissy, baby Grace, baby Em, babygirl, sunshine, etc….. Poor kid ought to get good and confused.

Whatever.

We fed Princess today, just a little rice cereal and she really seemed to like it. Although she spit a lot of it out, she did keep opening her mouth for more so I guess she was ready enough. We’ll try again tomorrow. I’m confident she isn’t allergic to the rice cereal because she’s been getting it in her bottle for months now, so I’m sure we’ll try something a little more fun tomorrow. Like some disgusting veggie that has been mashed into nothing. I don’t know; guess I better google it to see what I’m supposed to try next. Hmmmm, I wonder what our parents did without google when they had baby questions?

Mom kept the babies tonight while studly and I went out. It was surreal to eat out and not have to feed anyone else. Mom told me that when she and Speedy were eating, get some gravy on his hand and said, “Dang it!”     Ooops.

You can guess from the title of today’s post that the bios were a no show again today. I really don’t know how to feel about it all; I mean, I want to be happy because it looks good for us, really good. But I can’t be completely happy knowing that someone else is in such a bad place in life over the same circumstances.

What keeps me grounded and gives me the opportunity to take joy in the little steps along the way is knowing that the bios are making their own decisions. Although there are a great deal of issues there that complicate things, at the end of the day they are responsible for their choices. They could choose to get help but instead seem to be refusing it. I can’t change that for them, but I can reap the benefits of their poor choices by experiencing the love of these two precious babies.

And so that is what I’ll do. It’s the only thing I can offer them – to love the children they gave birth to. I believe that they love their kids but it is a kind of love I can not understand. It’s a love that seems to hold no loyalty. It’s a love that seems convenient. It’s a love that seems to refuse sacrifice. Maybe it isn’t love at all.

In one breath I want to say, “how could you?” and in the next say, “Thank God you did… ” or in this case “didn’t.”  I want to be angry for the circumstances they chose that placed these kids in care, yet how can I be angry over what brought them to me? Though it will be a while before it is legal, these are our kids. In a way, they always have been. We have been praying for them since last March, over a year ago. I believe they were ours even back then.

People keep reminding me that anything could happen and we need to be prepared. There isn’t one day that goes by that I don’t think about the fact that legally and technically they could be taken from us in a split second. But the God I serve is bigger than that and I trust His perfect plan. Even if His plan isn’t what our plan is, I know He is in control.

I can’t determine the outcome of any of this so I just sit back and pray. And watch God work.

I continue to pray that BM and BF will choose to sign away their rights and will in that huge step acknowledge that they want more for their kids than what they can provide.

You can guess from the title of today’s post that the bios were a no show again today. I really don’t know how to feel about it all; I mean, I want to be happy because it looks good for us, really good. But I can’t be completely happy knowing that someone else is in such a bad place in life over the same circumstances.

What keeps me grounded and gives me the opportunity to take joy in the little steps along the way is knowing that the bios are making their own decisions. Although there are a great deal of issues there that complicate things, at the end of the day they are responsible for their choices. They could choose to get help but instead seem to be refusing it. I can’t change that for them, but I can reap the benefits of their poor choices by experiencing the love of these two precious babies.

And so that is what I’ll do. It’s the only thing I can offer them – to love the children they gave birth to. I believe that they love their kids but it is a kind of love I can not understand. It’s a love that seems to hold no loyalty. It’s a love that seems convenient. It’s a love that seems to refuse sacrifice. Maybe it isn’t love at all.

In one breath I want to say, “how could you?” and in the next say, “Thank God you did… ” or in this case “didn’t.”  I want to be angry for the circumstances they chose that placed these kids in care, yet how can I be angry over what brought them to me? Though it will be a while before it is legal, these are our kids. In a way, they always have been. We have been praying for them since last March, over a year ago. I believe they were ours even back then.

People keep reminding me that anything could happen and we need to be prepared. There isn’t one day that goes by that I don’t think about the fact that legally and technically they could be taken from us in a split second. But the God I serve is bigger than that and I trust His perfect plan. Even if His plan isn’t what our plan is, I know He is in control.

I can’t determine the outcome of any of this so I just sit back and pray. And watch God work.

I continue to pray that BM and BF will choose to sign away their rights and will in that huge step acknowledge that they want more for their kids than what they can provide.

Speedy had a great time when his cousin, Wes, came to spend the night on Tuesday. I don’t know who was more tired from running around the house, Speedy, Wes or studman! They were all sweaty!

It was funny to watch Speedy try to imitate Wes, who is seven years old. If Wes could do it, Speedy thought he could, too. Things like working the remote control or going through the obstacle course at Pump It Up! They both had a great time and I don’t think Speedy has ever slept better.

I found out today that our caseworker is resigning. It’s no surprise considering how easily these guys can get burned out. Imagine what they deal with day in and day out. Anyway, he only lasted 9 months. I bet it will be nine months he won’t soon forget. Our new caseworker called today and she is someone I’d met several times before. I LOVE her. She’s very bubbly and down to earth and very friendly. I think I’ll like working with her. Anyway, she called today and we talked for a bit and by the way she talked, I believe the plan is still for her to ask the judge to fast track this case. Here’s hoping………

FINALLY! She rolled over from her back to her tummy today – three times! Woo Hoo! By George, I think she’s got it. Now, let’s hope she gets it in the middle of the night, too.

FINALLY! She rolled over from her back to her tummy today – three times! Woo Hoo! By George, I think she’s got it. Now, let’s hope she gets it in the middle of the night, too.

I’m going to post about the circus once I get pictures uploaded.

In the meantime, I let Speedy run around the house naked as a jay bird for about an hour this afternoon. (probably more like 30 minutes but it felt like an hour) Anyway, he has a rash and I was attempting to keep it uncovered for a bit but after two pees on the floor and one in the potty chair, I gave up.

He came up to me and said, “uh oh….poo poo, mommy.” so I took him to the potty.  He was sitting on the potty playing with his unmentionables when he started peeing and since it was pointed up, it kinda went all over him. The look on his face was priceless! I think it scared him a little bit but then he got excited and figured out it would work better if he pointed it back down. LOL! It’s funny trying to help him figure these things out, I mean, it’s not like I have one.

After that he was in the den and he farted. He grabbed his behind and was trying to look behind him but just kept spinning in circles saying, “Did you see at?…see at?” That kid keeps me laughing.

On a more serious note, I got an email from the cw this afternoon telling me that since bios haven’t shown up for the last two visits that I don’t have to show up on Friday. I’m on standby. If they show up, he’ll call me and then I can head that way with the kids. Woo Hoo!

I’m going to post about the circus once I get pictures uploaded.

In the meantime, I let Speedy run around the house naked as a jay bird for about an hour this afternoon. (probably more like 30 minutes but it felt like an hour) Anyway, he has a rash and I was attempting to keep it uncovered for a bit but after two pees on the floor and one in the potty chair, I gave up.

He came up to me and said, “uh oh….poo poo, mommy.” so I took him to the potty.  He was sitting on the potty playing with his unmentionables when he started peeing and since it was pointed up, it kinda went all over him. The look on his face was priceless! I think it scared him a little bit but then he got excited and figured out it would work better if he pointed it back down. LOL! It’s funny trying to help him figure these things out, I mean, it’s not like I have one.

After that he was in the den and he farted. He grabbed his behind and was trying to look behind him but just kept spinning in circles saying, “Did you see at?…see at?” That kid keeps me laughing.

On a more serious note, I got an email from the cw this afternoon telling me that since bios haven’t shown up for the last two visits that I don’t have to show up on Friday. I’m on standby. If they show up, he’ll call me and then I can head that way with the kids. Woo Hoo!

I can’t believe I forgot to write about this last night. Those of you catching up on Monday morning will be shocked to see that I’ve been very busy blogging over the weekend.

Yesterday, Princess got up on all fours several times and lunged herself forward!!! We have seen her get on all fours before but this time she really “meant” it. She kept doing it over and over and lunging forward and then giggling. She is on her way to crawling and we’re in BIG TROUBLE.

In addition to her learning to move around to get the toys she wants, she is also squealing in delight all the time. If studman, Speedy or I start talking to her and she’s is good and awake, she goes nuts. It’s hilarious.

She’s been wearing 3-6 month clothes and outgrowing her 3 month outfits. Last night I bought her a cute 6 month outfit to wear to the circus today and was afraid it wouldn’t fit her -  and now I’m a little sad that it does. She’s catching up quick!

How’s that for an attention getter?

Sixteen Pounds:

We no longer have access to a baby scale, but by holding Princess on the scale with me and then weighing just myself, it appears she is now 16 pounds and 6 ounces! WHAT? Toolman even double checked it. We TOTALLY missed 15 pounds. I can’t believe she is really that much so now I am eager to get back to the doctor so we can find out for sure.

Circus:

Tomorrow we are going to the circus. And when I say ‘we’, I mean WE. We as in NINETEEN of us. All the nieces and nephews from my side of the family as well as my parents and all five girls with their husbands. HOLY COW. That’s a lot of people to go to the circus. Speedy is VERY excited about the elephants. He’s been talking about elephants all week and I even heard him talking about elephants when he woke up from his nap today and was still in bed. We’re working on teaching him the concept of time and so I explained before nap today that after two more naps and one more night sleep we’d go see the elephants. I guess he got a little confused. Oh well, he is super excited and I hope he isn’t scared when we get there.

Security:

After the kids went down for the night, I decided to run to the grocery store to pick up some medicine and a few other things. As I was leaving, I told toolman (by the way, I HATE that name for him so as of now I’m changing it. Let’s call him studmuffin and see how long it takes for him to figure it out)….so as I was saying….I told studmuffin that I was excited to go to the store with my “big girl purse” instead of the diaper bag. Then I thought how much I could get done by myself and told him I might be a couple of hours. He said, “to go to the grocery store?” And I just laughed and said, “um, yeah….that’s the ONLY place I’m going.” I left at eight and came home two stores, an outfit for me with shoes, two outfits for Princess, one shirt for Speedy, one book for Speedy, NO GROCERIES and two hours later. Man, I was on a roll. Too bad I was too tired to stop by the grocery store on my way home.

Oops. This is called security for a reason. I figured studman would be asleep when I got home and as I walked in our very LOUD front door realized he was asleep in the den. I had to slam the door to get it to shut and he never budged. His chair is only about 6 feet from the slamming front door and then I walked through the house to hide, I mean put away, my goodies and he never moved. I got ready for bed and was feeding Princess before he woke up and wandered into her room. Funny thing is, he has NO IDEA I was gone for two hours.

Usually comments are emailed to me automatically but for some reason it isn’t working these days. It makes responding to your comments via email more difficult, so here goes:

Julie wants to know how Speedy is taking it, and that’s a great question!

Speedy seems fine. I didn’t expect birthparents to be there today so I didn’t tell him we were going to see them in the same way I normally do. I told them we had to go to the caseworker’s office and that BM and BF MIGHT be there and we might get to play with them, but I wasn’t sure. Once we got to the building, I knew they weren’t there because they usually meet us outside. Rather than getting the kids down, which is usually when Speedy would start looking around for someone, I called the office to let them know I was there. I got one of the caseworkers to come outside and sit in the car with the kids so I could go in and sign them in officially. I’m not totally sure Speedy even knew where we were and he doesn’t really have a sense of time yet. He didn’t seem bothered by it but I do wonder…..

David says now I know what a “real” family is. I just don’t know what to make of it, honestly. Part of me wonders if they’ve just given up. I have other theories that I’m not comfortable sharing just yet. I learned a long time ago that family isn’t defined by blood or who you live with, etc…. maybe when you are young it seems that way, but as you grow you are able to choose your family. As adults, we certainly choose our family – we all have someone we won’t claim, right?

Judy wonders if the birthparents might know deep down that the kids are where they need to be. I hope and pray that they have enough love in their hearts for Princess and Speedy to want a better life for them.

Pajama Mama asks me to prepare for the possibility that the courts could still give them more time. I appreciate the gentle reminder and I recognize it is very possible. So far, I’m doing a pretty good job of not worrying about it much as it is completely out of my control. I’m trusting God to take care of it and I pray His will is done. Whether that means another chance for them or not. God knows what He’s doing.

It’s now been two weeks since BM and BF have seen Speedy and Princess. They were a no show once again this morning.

It’s bittersweet. My heart aches for them and the life they are choosing.

At the same time, I’m happy because with court only a couple weeks away, this isn’t going to serve in their favor. It may help to speed the process along, which is what Speedy and Princess deserve – a forever family.

You won’t believe it.

Someone came to my door the other day while I was walking with the kids. When I got to my front yard she was walking away and then turned and said, “Are you Cindy?” A little uneasy with a stranger knowing my name, I told her who I was.

Guess who SHE was?

She was “district manager” for them. I’m not even going to type out their name because I don’t want to do any kind of advertising.

She wanted to know what they could do to earn my business back. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I had to remember whose I am before I answered. I really wanted to let her have it. Instead, I told her with a very sweet smile on my face that I wouldn’t go back to her company if they offered me a million bucks. Then I laughed and said, “well, okay,…. maybe for a million…” She laughed and apologized and then went into a little schpill about a special offer blah blah blah blah. I stopped her and said, “Are you serious? I realize you are just doing your job and all but really….you can’t really think there is even a chance I’ll go back after what the story I just told you.” She laughed and said no and that she wasn’t even going to try to talk me into it. 

She was a nice lady. Seemed very nice and hard working to be out in the heat and all. I asked her if she’d like me to pass on a good word for her with the satellite company because I heard they were hiring. She laughed and walked away……………….

Speedy picking up my hand with his and placing it firmly around him or on his head when we are rocking.

Speedy singing along as I sing “Jesus Love Me” every night to him before bed.

Princess giving me her big gummy grin and throwing her head back and “giggling” when I go to get her from her crib in the morning.

Princess sleeping through her last feeding and barely having the strength to open her eyes but still manages to smile a little when she’s through eating.

Speedy saying, “We home” when we turn onto our street after running errands.

Speedy making us pray ten times during dinner by putting his hands together and saying, “Gawww is great……..MOMMY! Gawwww is great. Mommy, Gaww is great.” He says this until I repeat him, WITH my hands together and go through the whole prayer again repeating him line for line. Then after mommy does it, he says, “Daaaeeeee, Gaww is great. DAAAEEEE! Gaww is great.”

Princess screaming and crying when someone is holding her and then immediately stopping when I pick her up.

Speedy saying, “Gaww bess you, mommy” whenever I sneeze or cough.

Speedy saying, “new diapa, peas….have poo poo” and sometimes he really does.

Princess holding my finger when I give her a bottle.

Speedy saying, “choo choo….hear it? wanna ride it!”

Princess pulling her little leads off from her apnea monitor and laughing when the beeping sound has mommy and daddy running in to see about her.

Speedy riding his “motorcyle” and saying, “bye bye, mommy. Haaa a good day.”

Speedy saying “hand, mommy” when we are driving down the road – indicating that he wants me to reach back and hold his hand.

Speedy reaching over and holding Princess’ hand when we’re driving.

Princess fussing because she can’t roll over and then immediately laughing when she sees you walk up.

I think July will be the slowest month ever as we wait to see what, if anything, will happen on July 25. I’m beginning to think that the bios won’t even show up for the hearing, which will probably play in our and kids’ favor.

It’s funny, though, because when they didn’t show up last week it kinda made me angry. Not just because I get the kids up and dressed and ready to go and stuff, but angry because how dare they not show up? These kids are PRECIOUS, why in the world wouldn’t they show up to see them? It’s one hour a week. ONE HOUR. And they missed it again.

It looks like the beginning of the end for them. I am certain that Speedy and Princess belong with us, that they are where they are meant to be.

As I wait for court, I spend time daydreaming about a few things. Well, not a whole lot of time because I stay pretty busy, but here’s a list of things I think about when I have a moment to myself or sometimes when I’m supposed to paying attention to something else :

• I think about the day we finalize the adoption and how I want to celebrate that day – I imagine who will come to the court house and wonder whether or not we should really invite people to that because it will be so simple, so short and so crowded. Really, I think about the celebration afterwards.
  • See, I think about this so much I need another bullet below my bullet…:D If I could have anything I wanted for that celebration, I’d have a praise band come and play in our back yard and we’d have a praise and worship service. We’d honor God first with our praises. I’ve even thought how cool it would be to have Speedy and Princess baptized at that time – in our church, the infant baptism is really more of a dedication, it’s about the parents promising to model the Christian life and so on. How cool would that be? Start our life as an official family with a praise and worship service and a baptism? Why not?
  • You know, the more I think about it, I really hope we can work that part out…we’ve got to. I don’t care what else we do that day, but I know I’ll want to worship
• I can’t think about anything else right now, i have to go talk to toolman and see if I can lay the groundwork for this thing.

I just can’t get over how much Speedy has changed in five months. When he came to us, he had several words he would use regularly but his vocabulary seems to have just exploded. He speaks in full sentences now and is capable of having very short, very simple conversations. He even recognizes 13 letters of the alphabet!

Every time he sees a train, he says, “TWAIN! Choo Choo! Wanna ride it?” and then when we drive by he says, “where it go?” LOL He’s so cute.

So, I don’t have much to write these days. I want to capture these fleeting moments, especially this first year of motherhood, but I’m pretty tapped out on ideas. I could fill pages of cute stories that only I would think are cute. I could tell you of the many times a day I wipe butts, mouths, hands, etc…. but who wants to hear about that?

I’d like to write more about where God is in all of this but I am just so at peace, it’s hard to find something to draw from. And, God, I’m NOT COMPLAINING about that. It’s just that I’m trusting God completely, I’m not worried, I’m not concerned. I’m completely at peace with God’s hand in it all.

So what should I write about? It’s been a long time since I’ve asked for ideas / questions but I’m needing some ideas here. So all three of you who still read and comment, help me out! I’m counting on you.

Bios were MIA this morning at the visit. They were a no show, no call. It’s unusual for them not to show up so I know Granny is worried about BF. (her son) She and grandad were there and I was grateful so that Speedy had someone show up to play with him. It’s a good time for them to start not showing up, seeing as how we go back to court in just a couple of weeks.

Brigitte told me about a jacket at Gymboree, it says “speedy” across the front of it. I know he’s adorable, but now he’s turning into a fashion icon.

Princess has definitely found her voice. She screams most of the time when she is awake – not in an angry or upset way, just in an “I’m here” way. It’s cute. For the first 20 minutes.