My Ebenezer

On Monday, I took Speedy and Princess down to the beach with Granny and Grandad. (their paternal grandparents) It was Speedy’s first trip to the beach and it looked as though he’d been hanging out there his whole life. We enjoyed watching him play and spending some quality time with Granny and Grandad. I feel so lucky that they are healthy people who want what is best for the kids and want to continue being grandparents.

I was a little worried that the salt water might bother Speedy or the waves might scare him – no chance! A few times a wave crashed over his head and he just laughed and laughed while trying to wipe the water from his face. I think all the swimming we’ve been doing helped get him ready for the waves.

Here are a few pictures of our beach trip:

Speedy loved to bury his feet in the sand:

Princess got sleepy soon after we arrived, but she never fussed:

 

Speedy was constantly on the go – playing in the water or digging in the sand, we couldn’t get him to take a break:

 

Princess finally took a nap under the umbrella:

 

And finally, Speedy had a lot of fun filling his bucket with water and dumping it out over and over and over again!:

Friday night, toolman and I went out on a real date. We had a sitter for the kids and we went to a nice steak house and had a great time. It was funny, though, because we also wanted to see a movie but were too tired so we got home about 10:30. And that was late for us.

BK (before kids), we never understood all the hype about “date night” and how important it was for couples to spend time alone. Then again, we could spend time alone at home on the couch and we went out to eat several times a week, so it was never a big deal.

Now that we have kids, it’s a totally different story. Date nights are lots of fun and we really enjoy getting out by ourselves! Funny how a couple of kids can change your perspective!

OOps, so I haven’t posted in a few days. Sorry.

The visit on Friday was a breeze. The maternal gparents weren’t there so I had no questions to answer. It seems that the bios no longer have a working vehicle and so they had to bum a ride to the visit and got there a couple of hours early. Not sure how they got back home but I guess the maternal gparents didn’t want to have to wait that long or risk having to walk back home. I dunno. We’ll see if they are there this Friday.

Tomorrow (or today for many of you reading in the morning.. Friday) we have another visit. Last week, no one showed for the visit because, well, BM was otherwise detained and BF was….well, he didn't show. Anyway, tomorrow we visit again and I am a little more nervous than usual.

The whole family now knows that the paternal grandmother came over to our house to hang out with me and the kids a few weeks ago. The maternal grandmother will not be happy about this – and if she is there tomorrow she will certainly ask me about it. She ALWAYS comes out of the room to sit by me and "chat".

Let me tell you, we've had some interesting conversations. I think she's used to manipulating/pushing people around until she gets what she wants. She told me one of the first times that I met her that someone at CPS told her it was okay for me to give her my phone number. WHATEVER! Anyway, I'm sure she'll have something to say about why she can't come over and visit the kids – or at least call them on the phone. Hmmm…let's see, what would a proper response to that be? Part of me wants to be very direct and VERY honest, but that wouldn't make life easier on anybody. I will be honest. I will tell her that the CW gave me permission to have contact with the other grandparents – and that is 100% true. Though if the cw were to give me permission to let her have our contact information (which he just wouldn't do) then I'd be forced to be very direct and very honest about why that won't happen.

I guess we'll see how it goes. I keep reminding myself that despite everything, they show up to see the kids and that means something. A big something. Regardless of why the kids are with us, it still must be devestating to have children removed from your home.

Our Little Princess,

I can't believe you are five months old today! You have grown so much since we first brought you home, it's hard to believe you are the same baby. The other day, I found your hospital ID bracelet and it just barely wrapped all the way around my thumb – that's how tiny you were in the beginning.

Now, you laugh and smile at us. You love it when mommy sings "You Are My Sunshine" and you usually turn  in the direction of my voice when I'm in the room. Your absolute favorite thing to do these days is to watch your big brother playing. When he makes faces or talks to you, you always light up and smile big for him.

You almost always have your fingers in your mouth when you are awake and you have started reaching for things around you. It won't be long before you are sitting up by yourself and I know I'm in BIG TROUBLE when you start crawling!

We love you!

Mommy and Daddy

So many moms I know rarely get time for themselves. Some of them don't get this time because they just can't get any help, others choose not to have the time because they'd feel too guilty.

I'm so glad I don't suffer from that whole guilt thing. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things I do feel guilt over, but I think for the most part the things that guilt me are things that should guilt me.

Yesterday, Speedy went to MDO and I had a sitter for Princess. I took the whole five hours of MDO to myself! I did a little shopping and then went to a movie! It was the best. I hadn't been to a movie since we got the kids and I enjoyed it so much.

The thing is, I think taking breaks like these make me a better mom. When I get a little time for myself every once in a while then I am so much happier to be with the kids. A toddler and an infant demand a lot of attention. Any and every thing they want/need has to be given to them, for the most part. I love my kids and I'm happy to care for them, but it is soooo nice to have a break from all that.

I don't want to lose myself in my kids. I will enjoy them immensely and love them and take care of them, but one day they will move out and start their own lives. When that day comes, I don't want to be lost because I gave up my own identity to care for them.

I know that day is far away, but I don't want to get started on the wrong foot. KWIM? Nothing cheers my heart more than seeing Speedy or Princess smile and I imagine it will be that way for a long time to come. But I don't want to depend on them for my happiness or my joy. That comes from God. And I think the more I am able to maintain an identity other than just "mommy", the happier they will be, too.

And if that doesn't make any sense. NEvermind.

I don't know what got into me yesterday but I was overwhelmed with the desire to make meatloaf. I had never made meatloaf before so I wasn't even sure how to do it, but I knew how I was going to do it. I looked at a few recipes to get some ideas and then just decided to put a bunch of stuff that we like in it and see what happened.

Historically, these ideas have not turned out well at all so I put Pizza Hut on speed dial, just in case.

I'm happy to report, however, that we all ate Meatloaf – I call it Meatloaf Parmesan because that's kinda what it tasted like. Speedy LOVED it and toolman went back for seconds so it was definitely a success. In addition to the meatloaf, I also made potato casserole that was to die for. Okay, maybe not "to die for" but it was yummy.

Who likes meatloaf? It's not exactly on the top ten list for most people so I just figured if I put enough stuff in it, no one would know it was meatloaf.

Speedy is sleeping in his big boy bed for the first time tonight. It has been in his room for a few weeks now so I guess he has gotten used to it. We checked on him a few minutes ago and this is what we found:

So I guess he doesn't quite have the hang of it yet. ha ha ha! I'm glad the flash didn't wake him up.

Oh, and can I just say GROSS!

The good news is that after talking with toolman last night, I realize that I am one whole year younger than I thought I was! WOO HOO! The bad news is that I am now old enough to forget how old I am…..and that can't be a good thing.

I just put Speedy in time out for not staying in his playroom (he has about 20 minutes of playroom time in the mornings). He is usually there for two minutes, but he got parolled 30 seconds early this morning because I heard him say, "Happy Birthday to youuuuuuu?"

I cracked up and had to get him out. Stinker.

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday to me

HAppy Birthday, Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to we.

Okay, it was the best I could come up with. Toolman and I both celebrate the day of our birth today. As I write this, he is installing a new remote controlled ceiling fan in our bedroom – woo hoo!

We got another birthday present this week in the form of another big ugly black mark on the record of Speedy and Princess' birthmother. It's strange, though, because as wonderful as it is for our case, it doesn't give us cause to celebrate. My heart breaks when I think of it. These people are just so deep into their issues that they can't see there is another world out there. Another life. Another way. It's sad, really really sad.

We have another visit today which is not how I envisioned spending my birthday, but you do what you gotta do. Right? Unless something drastic changed today, biomom won't be able to join us for the visit tomorrow. Let's just say she is um, er……otherwise detained. It ought to be interesting.

The bad gparents now know that the good gparents are welcome in our home. That should also make for an interesting visit.

These are the Days of Our Lives.

A little of my modesty left me when SPeedy first came to us and I could not allow him to roam freely while I…um…."took care of business" in the bathroom. You might remember some of those first stories… Anyway, today I learned about a new kind of lost modesty.

Speedy was at Mother's Day Out (MDO) and Princess and I went to Gardenridge. By the way, Gardenridge does not have a large selection of frames. It never fails that when I am out with one or more kids in any kind of public place, I will need to poop. Doesn't matter if I go right before I leave the house, my body likes to play tricks on me and watch me figure out how to do my thing with kids in tow. I've been pretty lucky so far. All of the bathrooms I've gone to have accomodated the double stroller or the basket in the handicapped stall….all of them, that is, until today. Gardenridge is not a place I will frequent with the kids because the handicapped bathrooms there just aren't big enough.

But a girl's gotta do what girl's gotta doo. So in we went and there I was in the stall with the shopping cart hanging out the end. The sad part is that I really didn't even care that I was pooping in a public bathroom with the door open and a cart sticking out. What's next?

We do feed Speedy, I promise. Evidently, he got tired of waitin for his supper last night. I thought he was in the playroom while I was checking email…..but he wasn't. We discovered him in the den with potatoes everywhere…under the kitchen table, under the coffee table. It looked like an Easter egg hunt.

Then we found potatoes with bites in them. (see below) Don't worry, we found the missing bites spit out on the floor.

What cracks me up is that this could not have tasted good. (hence the spitting out part) Yet, he took SEVERAL bites. Maybe he just thought some of the taters were bad. ha ha ha

used to be lazy, sleep in mornings. Well, okay, most mornings for me were lazy sleep in mornings bk (before kids). This morning, however, I awoke at 4am to the sounds of "Mommy….Mooooommmmmeeeeeeee" Why is that at 4am little ones don't call out for "daddeeee?" It wouldn't matter. As soon as I heard that little voice I was halfway down the hall before my eyes were even open.

Speedy doesn't sleep well when he is sick. He wasn't crying this morning and didn't even seem to be unhappy about anything. He was just ready to wake up. As I picked him up and realized he had a fever, I brought him to the kitchen to give him his medicine and then rocked him "back to sleep". Or so I thought. He was almost asleep and I put him down so that I could get back to sleep as well.

But he decided he was going to be awake instead of asleep so he talked for the next 20 minutes. Saying things like, "Mommmeeeee…..com  meeer" How could I resist? Actually, I was wiped out and knew the only way I'd sleep was if I could get him back to sleep. So at 5am, I went back to his room and then rocked him all the way to sleep.

Now it's 7:30a and I heard him about 30 minutes ago but he must have dozed off again. Sweet little thing. Princess was has been awake on and off since 6am and I got her out of bed to eat about 6:30. She was passed back out. If she doesn't sleep until at least 7am, as soon as she eats she is ready to go back to sleep until about 8 or so.

Life has changed so much in the last four months. We have changed so much in the last four months. I couldn't imagine my life any other way.

Except maybe adding another little one or two……..:D

Toolman and I met on July 25.

We got engaged on March 25. (not the very next year)

We got married on November 25.

We closed on our home and moved in on May 25.

We go to court again for the kids on July 25.

None of these were intentional.

Good things happen for us on the 25th.

EDITED TO ADD: As JB pointed out, Christmas is also on the 25th, though I dare not include my personal accomplishments with THAT! LOL

I know I've been a littly missing in action lately, but I've been either sick or busy. Now Speedy is sick AGAIN and I feel like a failure as a mother. Every other week he is sick and I just hate when he feels bad.

Today was a special day. After the visit, Granny  (Speedy and Princess' paternal gma) came back to our house and hung out with us. She even went with me to take Speedy to the doctor and helped entertain Princess while we waited. It was wonderful to have her here, to show her where the kids are living and to just invite her into our family. I think it's going to work out and I know it will be so special for Speedy and Princess to have her and Grandad in their lives. A true link to their bio family.

It's hard to see the bio parents every week. To watch their faces light up when they come through the door and to see the love they have for their kids. It's even harder to see that and know they haven't made an effort to take steps towards getting their kids back. Okay, so we all know I'm THRILLED about that but it does also make me a little sad. I want them. I would lay down my life for them. It's so hard to understand why the bios aren't willing to.

Someone mentioned to me today that sometimes bios aren't motivated to work their plans when they are comfortable with the foster parents. When they feel their kids are in a good home, etc…. Maybe bio mom and bio dad will come around and sign over their rights – I honestly believe it would be the right thing for them to do. Unless, ofcourse, they can get it together.

Blah blah blah blah How sick are you of hearing me write about this over and over and over again? Part of me is truly sad for them. Sad for what they are missing – these babies are so wonderful. But I'm happy for us and happy for Speedy and Princess. We all belong together.

Some of my favorite things that Speedy says:

• Bess ewwww! (when someone sneezes or coughs)
• Bess ewww, sisseeee (when Princess sneezes or coughs)
• Daddy-o
• I fawt
• no poo poo, jus fawt
• pwetty (when he wakes up in the morning and remembers his newly painted room)
• cow jumin ova da mooooon! (when we're reading Goodnight Moon)
• take a baff!
• Women! (which means swimming but I think it's funny that he gets so excited and says, WOMEN!)
• CHew Chew! Hear it? (when he hears a train in the distance) and it is ALWAYS followed by "ride it?"

We had a meeting about the kids today. It couldn't have gone any better for us. The bios didn't show up but the case was discussed anyway.

They have a list of things they have to do in order to be considered to get their children back. I won't tell you what is on their list but I can tell you that typically these lists involve parenting classes, drug tests, rehab/counseling, visits with kids, etc….

Want to know what they have done in the four months since their children have been taken away from them?

Nothing.

That's not completely true, they do show up regularly for visits. But they've done nothing else. They been referred for services and haven't shown up for them. They haven't done anything the court has asked them to do.

CPS will most likely ask the judge to fast track this case which could result in TPR (termination of parental rights) by the end of August/September. That's what we are hoping for.

God's will, not ours.

Okay, I stole this from Karen. (who, by the way, hates the book I recommended for getting her sweet baby to sleep)

1. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your father's side, your favorite candy):
Georgia Mae Sixlets

2. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name followed by izzle", first two or three letters of your last name follwowed by "dizzle"):
Cizzle Godizzle

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal):
Pink puppy

4. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters of your name- last 3 letters of mother's maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet's name repeated twice):
Cinhen duk duk

5. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", your favorite color, the automobile you drive):
The Pink Kia

And I'm tagging: Tamara, Claudia, Brigitte and Lori!

I'm still not completely well but I'm definitely feeling better…..gotta start taking some serious vitamins.

I can't beleive how quickly time seems to go by these days. Princess is already four months old and it seems like just yesterday she barely fit into her preemie clothes. She has such a little personality now and she is so much fun to interact with. She'll be walking before I know it and I just want time to SLOW DOWN.

Speedy is also maturing so fast I can hardly keep up. He can almost take his shirt off by himself and while I want to teach him these things, part of me wants him to stay completely dependent on me forever! His words and phrases are coming faster than I can record and one of his favorite things to say now is, "I do it I do it"…as in, "I can do it by myself."

Speedy started school (Mother's Day Out) this week and he loves it. He cried a little when I left him there on the first day but only for a few minutes. Although he was very happy to see me when I came to pick him up, he was still happy playing. On the second day, he didn't even say goodbye to me he was so eager to start playing. It was great to see that he enjoys it so much.

On Memorial Day, toolman and I painted Speedy's room. We went with a Thomas the Train theme and the blues in there definitely scream "Thomas". When he saw it, SPeedy said it was "pwetty". In fact, when he wakes up in the morning he still sometimes looks around him and says, "pwetty". He loves his big boy bed but so far he's not sleeping in it.

I love those kids. I always hear people who are infertile talking about how they just "aren't sure" if they could love adopted kids as much as "their own". Let me say for the record that there is no difference. These kids are "our own" (even though legally they still aren't LOL ). I can't explain it. It's just something I feel in my bones.

Toolman is ready to get rid of any baby stuff we aren't using but I won't let him. We're going to put it away "just in case" because I don't want to be through having babies. I just don't feel like we're done yet. Maybe we'll do foster care for little ones or ….who knows. Maybe we'll do this all again once things are final with Speedy and Princess.

I'm still not completely well but I'm definitely feeling better…..gotta start taking some serious vitamins.

I can't beleive how quickly time seems to go by these days. Princess is already four months old and it seems like just yesterday she barely fit into her preemie clothes. She has such a little personality now and she is so much fun to interact with. She'll be walking before I know it and I just want time to SLOW DOWN.

Speedy is also maturing so fast I can hardly keep up. He can almost take his shirt off by himself and while I want to teach him these things, part of me wants him to stay completely dependent on me forever! His words and phrases are coming faster than I can record and one of his favorite things to say now is, "I do it I do it"…as in, "I can do it by myself."

Speedy started school (Mother's Day Out) this week and he loves it. He cried a little when I left him there on the first day but only for a few minutes. Although he was very happy to see me when I came to pick him up, he was still happy playing. On the second day, he didn't even say goodbye to me he was so eager to start playing. It was great to see that he enjoys it so much.

On Memorial Day, toolman and I painted Speedy's room. We went with a Thomas the Train theme and the blues in there definitely scream "Thomas". When he saw it, SPeedy said it was "pwetty". In fact, when he wakes up in the morning he still sometimes looks around him and says, "pwetty". He loves his big boy bed but so far he's not sleeping in it.

I love those kids. I always hear people who are infertile talking about how they just "aren't sure" if they could love adopted kids as much as "their own". Let me say for the record that there is no difference. These kids are "our own" (even though legally they still aren't LOL ). I can't explain it. It's just something I feel in my bones.

Toolman is ready to get rid of any baby stuff we aren't using but I won't let him. We're going to put it away "just in case" because I don't want to be through having babies. I just don't feel like we're done yet. Maybe we'll do foster care for little ones or ….who knows. Maybe we'll do this all again once things are final with Speedy and Princess.