My Ebenezer

still here just sick. Bleh. Speedy loves to share with his mommy.

There is much to tell and little time as I am getting very sleepy and still need to give Princess her last bottle for the night. God answers prayer. That about sums up the last few days but I'll expand so you will also know how your prayers have been answered as you have faithfully prayed for us.

You may remember my concerns about the bio grandparents getting the okay for Speedy to have overnight visits. As a reminder, I am not concerned about Speedy spending this time with his grandparents – I'm very excited about that, actually. But I was concerned about whether or not the bio parents would be allowed to visit during that time and whether or not Princess would be going for overnights as well.

I got to speak with the bio granparents (I need to give them names because they will be around forever and they are truly wonderful people), and I was reassured again about them wanting what is best for Speedy and Princess. What made me feel so much better was knowing that they will not be allowing bio parents to visit, even if CPS says it is okay. I don't want to go through all of the details, but I continue to believe with all my heart that they only want what is best for Speedy and Princess. They want to ease in to overnight visits with Speedy so as not to confuse him and they understand that Princess is too little and I'm not comfortable with her going for overnight visits just yet – even though CPS could give them the opportunity even though we don't want it.

I guess one of my fears was that because they are very eager to spend more time with Speedy and Princess, that what we want might get overlooked. I no longer worry at all about that happening. We were also given permission by CPS to share out contact information with them!!! I'm so happy about this because now I can have Speedy talk on the phone to his Granny and they can even come to our house to visit the kids. It has just opened the door a little wider for us to establish a good relationship with them.

When we first found out about Speedy and Princess we could hardly believe it was true. We just didn't think it could get ANY better…..but now it has. We can offer them a relationship with their biological grandparents and that will be priceless. I already have some photos of Speedy from when he was a baby, still in the hospital even. Not many kids that go through the foster care system can say that.

On top of everything else. a blanket somehow made its way to my house. A blanket that traveled with Speedy to at least his first foster home and I am assuming to his second one also. After his bio granny sent me a photo of him as a baby tonight, I realized that this is the same blanket that his biological great granny made for him when he was born. Priceless. Absolutely Priceless.

Thanks, God.

As you may remember, Time Warner SUCKS! Today, I fired them. WOO HOO!

When I called to cancel my service, they asked why I wanted to cancel. You know what my response was……and I quote, "Because Time Warner sucks!" They didn't ask me too many more questions. Though they did tell me that if I want THEIR equipment picked up (instead of me dropping it off) then they would be here on June 3 anytime from 8am to 8pm and someone had to be here to sign for the equipment being returned. WHAT?

I laughed. I said, "If I am not home, your equipment will be on the front porch." The guy told me that I had to be here. I said, "I'm not sure what part of this you don't understand. This is YOUR equipment. If you want it back, come and get it. I will not wait 12 hours for you to show up. If I leave it will be on the front porch. I've just canceled my service with you. This equipment is no longer my responsibility."

He again told me I needed to be here so I finally said, as nicely as I could, "Look, mister, this is not up for negotiation. I will not waste another second on a company that provides sub-par customer service. Cancel my service effective immediately and come get your equipment."

He finally said okay and that if the equipment was lost or stolen I'd have to pay for it blah blah blah blah blah. Whatever. I never want to hear the words Time Warner again.

By the way, the satellite service we'll be getting is about half the cost of the cable, and that includes local tv channels and DVR. You should check it out – fire Time Warner!

I went to a little boutique type store to find some bows for Princess this morning. I've been DYING to put bows on her head but have yet to find the little headband and attaching bows I want. I'm not talking about little bitty tiny cutsy bows, I'm talking the big, 1/4 the size of her head bows. Yes, mom, I know you won't like it but I'm going to do it anyway. (sure it's not the first time you've heard that, right? ha ha ha)

Anyway, I went to this little uppety boutique type store my cousin told me about and they didn't have a headband small enough for my little Princess. I settled for some little bitty bows instead (but will find the big ones later) and she explained to me how to attach them to her peach fuzz covered head. AND I QUOTE, "just put a little drop of K-Y on her head then then put the bow on top of it. It will dry and the bow will stick and then you can remove it with a little bit of warm water." I just looked at her and said, "hmmmm…really? K-Y? Who would've thought."

She didn't seem to get why I thought it was so unusual and again said that although the directions say to use hair gel, the lady who makes them swears that K-Y works much better. "okay," I said.

As I was driving away, I thought, "I wonder if she meant Kayro (as in the syrup) instead of K-Y (as in the lubricant)." Surely she meant Kayro. I wonder how many people she has told to put K-Y on their baby's heads. That's just not right.

I'm going to lose some of you on this post. I know that even before I write it but I don't care – I have to write it. I feel so compelled to write it because it got me out of bed tonight. All day I've had this nasty, sinking, gut-wrenching ball of ickiness in the pit of my stomach – called worry. Worry about Speedy and Princess and our future together, worry about when/if Speedy has overnight visits with bio gprnts, worry, worry, worry, worry.

Phil 4:6-7 says, 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. NKJV

I try not to worry. I have given this to God so many times…….but it keeps sneaking back up on me; inching its way into my mind, my heart, my thoughts and my actions. It gets to a point where I feel absolutely desperate….there is no other word to describe the helplessness, the anxiety, the feeling of having no control. Just plain desperate to hold on to these babies.

And then God whispers. He calls me to draw nearer to Him, to find shelter from the storm that is quickly stirring in my heart. He gives me glimpses of His Truth. He reminds me to listen to His voice of Truth.

I think that right now the biggest hold Satan has on me is my fear of losing these kids. Yes, I believe in Satan. I believe he takes every opportunity to torture us (us being Christians…and that's not to say he doesn't torture non-christians). He especially likes to kick us when we're down and I REALLY hate that. What I hate most is how easily I succomb to his little "suggestions". The suggestion that comes into my mind via another person's words, a caseworker's comments, a stanger's ridiculous reminder that I am JUST a foster parent, questions about the case, etc…etc…etc…

I got out of bed tonight because I was uncomfortable. I wandered in to check my email, decided to blog but first wanted to read my Bible. I needed to hear something from God. I needed to draw closer to Him to settle the sea that was beginning to rage in my heart. After a few games of, "I'm feeling Psalms…..chapter…..bleh bleh bleh" (does that EVER work? Why do we do it?) I finally returned to the chapter in James that my Bible study group should be reading this week. James chapter 4.

And this is what I found:  James 4:7-10 Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.9 Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up. NKJV

and because I like the paraphrased version so much, here it is again, starting with verse 4 this time) in words that are sometimes easier to understand:

James 4:4-10 4 You're cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and his way. 5 And do you suppose God doesn't care? The proverb has it that "he's a fiercely jealous lover." 6 And what he gives in love is far better than anything else you'll find. It's common knowledge that "God goes against the willful proud; God gives grace to the willing humble." 7 So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. 8 Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. 9 Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. 10 Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet. (from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)

I LOVE the way verse 10 reads in the contemporary language. "Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet." Many people ask me how I am able to do this. (foster to adopt) How am I able to take these precious little ones in and give them everything I have without knowing if I'll be able to keep them forever? Verse 10 is my answer.

Alright, if you have stayed with me this long, then you deserve to hear the rest. As I got to verse 7 in the contemporary language "…..yell a loud no to the devil and watch him scamper….…" I just closed my eyes and silently prayed and said, "Get thee behind me Satan" and asked God to draw nearer to me, I surrendered (again) my plan to God's plan and told Him that He was ENOUGH for me. His will, not mine. As I opened my eyes to look back at my computer screen (i read my bible on my computer), my monitor flashed and there was one of my favorite pictures of Speedy's beautiful face. Before you think I've gone completely nuts, it was my screensaver. "Just happened" to kick in at that exact moment – I call that a God-smile.

Stop by Sunshine's blog and see how beautiful her finalized forever family is! Congratulations!

I've heard people say that Mommies don't get sick. They are wrong or they lied. This mommy is definitely sick now.

I've heard people say that Mommies don't get sick. They are wrong or they lied. This mommy is definitely sick now.

The good news is that Speedy doesn't seem to be throwing up anymore; not since this morning. Well, that isn't entirely true. He is definitely vomitting, just not through his mouth! Not a good time to realize one of my errands for today was to pick up more diapers for Speedy. we are getting dangerously close to disastrous.

Oh, and the little Princess is puking now too.

"It's a happy day….and I thank God for the weather.  It's a happy day, and I'm living it for my Lord…..it's a happy day, and THINGS ARE GONNA GET BETTER. Livin' each day on the promises of God's word."

I don't like throw up. Just thinking about puke makes me want to hurl. I don't like my own throw up or anyone else's for that matter. I dislike it so much, that as far as I can remember I have only thrown up a handful of times in my life. Which is amazing considering my gag reflex.

Anyway, people have always told me that when we have kids, it will "be different" when they are sick. The vomit won't bother me as much ……. you "do what you have to do"….. Well, people LIE. I almost puked TWICE at four am this morning when I was inspecting Speedy's stuffed animals for puke. I was doing okay until I saw a freakin' carrot on the big dog's nose. The little green pea I found on Winnie the Pooh didn't please me either. THANK GOD I put a towel over my shoulder before I picked him up because not long after I did, he puked on my shoulder. Which is right next to my ear and I'm not sure which is worse.

Then it was time for daddy to wake up. As I'm trying to clean the vomit off Speedy's face, I had him standing on the bathroom counter with a towel wiping him down. He started to puke again and my first thought was not, "poor baby….." or "I should pick him up because he's scared…" or even as he was reaching for me to hold him (while still gagging) did I think, "sweet little boy needs his mommy…" All I could think of was different ways to avoid getting puked on. That's it. As I held him arm's length away with a towel covering my arm.

The Mother of the Year award is all mine now.

Okay, I should add that after he seemed to stop the vomitting, I did put him in bed with me and cuddle up with him. (after putting a few towels on the bed) And I only moved him off of my pillow once when his sweet little face was no longer on the towel. Oh, AND (and I should REALLY get some credit for this) I let him put his head on my arm and only prayed once that he wouldn't puke on it.

3 hours of sleep. A puking 2 year old with no concept of not getting puke all over everything. And a 3 1/2 month old who has already had one NASTY diaper and one nasty vomit herself. Let's hope that is a coincidence.

It's gonna be a long day.

Why is it that when one kid sleeps, the other refuses to do so? And just about when sleeping child should start to wake, wakeful child decides to sleep.

Actually, it isn't all that bad because it gives me time alone with each of them, but I do enjoy having an hour or so to myself in the afternoon, too. Oh well. Such is life, right?

And what is with my little monster? I think I'm going to change her name from Princess to Monster if she doesn't start sleeping better in the afternoon. She has her morning nap down great but the past few days she has enjoyed having little "cat naps" that last about 20 minutes long all afternoon. :(

Why is it that when one kid sleeps, the other refuses to do so? And just about when sleeping child should start to wake, wakeful child decides to sleep.

Actually, it isn't all that bad because it gives me time alone with each of them, but I do enjoy having an hour or so to myself in the afternoon, too. Oh well. Such is life, right?

And what is with my little monster? I think I'm going to change her name from Princess to Monster if she doesn't start sleeping better in the afternoon. She has her morning nap down great but the past few days she has enjoyed having little "cat naps" that last about 20 minutes long all afternoon. :(

You have all been so faithful in praying for us along this journey – i know this because I can feel your prayers. I hear from random people (just when I need it most) that someone else they know is praying for us and I can't tell you what a difference it makes in my day.

I need you again to please pray for a specific situation. A couple of them actually. As always, please pray first for God's perfect will and for Him to give us the grace we need to accept whatever His will may be.

Two specific requests:

1) Biological paternal grandparents are having a homestudy done so that they can have overnight visits with Speedy. They are healthy people who love Speedy and Princess and Speedy already has a relationship with them so while this will be very difficult for us, I do think it will be good for Speedy. It is possible, however, that they may be allowed to also have the bio parents over to visit while they have Speedy with them. I can not be objective about this. I am certain beyond doubt that they would keep Speedy safe but I don't know if this is in his best interest. Obviously, I don't want this to be allowed or to happen even if it is allowed. Please pray that the state does not allow it and that the grandparents abide by that. Also pray that they do not try to take Princess for visits, too. I don't think they are at this point but she is too little to be away from me.

2) The court date coming up in July. The best thing we know of that could happen at that court date is for the judge to set a date for a trial to terminate parental rights. That is what we are praying for. No extensions for parents to work their plans, we want a termination date.

Thanks for your prayers and I will keep you updated, as usual.

Ironically, my very first post was exactly one year ago this Sunday (Mother's Day). It was on May 14, 2005, that I began to share Our Story with friends, family and strangers who have become virtual friends. Today, the Grace I wrote about then still carries us on this roller coaster ride called adoption. And Foster Care. For those of you who remember the story or who go back and read it, the child I called "Grace" is still with The Adoption Lady and they very much hope to adopt her. I saw her in church this past Sunday and I looked at her beatiful face, I marveled at how God used her to bring us to where we are now.

On my first Mother's Day as a Mother (officially but not legally), there are three people I want to honor.

First is my mom. There aren't enough words to thank you for the unconditional love you have given me through the years. It is because of you that I know Jesus. It is because of you that I know I will be a good mom. Having children changes the way I look at you – it's like suddenly, I get it. I understand why you gave up your lunch hour so many times to take me to run an errand. I know why you brought me to church even when I didn't want to go. THank you for giving me roots so that I would be confident enough to find my wings. And thank you for loving our babies.

The second person I want to honor is Princess and Speedy's biomom. I don't understand all the choices you've made, but I'm so grateful for two of them. I can see the love in your eyes when you hold Princess and when you get hugs from Speedy. Thank you for choosing life for them. I pray that you will one day come to know Jesus and that you will recieve the fullness of His love and His grace in your life. I promise that I will be honest with Speedy and Princess but I will do so without saying bad things about you. When they are old enough, if they choose to seek you out, I will support them and help them find you again.

The last person, or group of people, I want to honor are all the women out there who want to be mothers but have not yet become mothers. I know your pain and I have felt your loss. I wish for you today to be surrounded by God's peace and comforted by His grace. My prayer for you is Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'They are for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.'"

Ironically, my very first post was exactly one year ago this Sunday (Mother's Day). It was on May 14, 2005, that I began to share Our Story with friends, family and strangers who have become virtual friends. Today, the Grace I wrote about then still carries us on this roller coaster ride called adoption. And Foster Care. For those of you who remember the story or who go back and read it, the child I called "Grace" is still with The Adoption Lady and they very much hope to adopt her. I saw her in church this past Sunday and I looked at her beatiful face, I marveled at how God used her to bring us to where we are now.

On my first Mother's Day as a Mother (officially but not legally), there are three people I want to honor.

First is my mom. There aren't enough words to thank you for the unconditional love you have given me through the years. It is because of you that I know Jesus. It is because of you that I know I will be a good mom. Having children changes the way I look at you – it's like suddenly, I get it. I understand why you gave up your lunch hour so many times to take me to run an errand. I know why you brought me to church even when I didn't want to go. THank you for giving me roots so that I would be confident enough to find my wings. And thank you for loving our babies.

The second person I want to honor is Princess and Speedy's biomom. I don't understand all the choices you've made, but I'm so grateful for two of them. I can see the love in your eyes when you hold Princess and when you get hugs from Speedy. Thank you for choosing life for them. I pray that you will one day come to know Jesus and that you will recieve the fullness of His love and His grace in your life. I promise that I will be honest with Speedy and Princess but I will do so without saying bad things about you. When they are old enough, if they choose to seek you out, I will support them and help them find you again.

The last person, or group of people, I want to honor are all the women out there who want to be mothers but have not yet become mothers. I know your pain and I have felt your loss. I wish for you today to be surrounded by God's peace and comforted by His grace. My prayer for you is Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'They are for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.'"

The official word from the caseworker for the bio parents is that there has been "no significant progress" on their case plan. Meaning, they have not made significant progress on the things they have to do in order to be considered to have their children returned to them.

I have to say that this is GREAT news. I'm through with apologizing for wanting a family to be broken apart. Bios made their choices and now they must live with them. These kids deserve a chance at life, they deserve parents who will love them and care for them. We can give them a better home and I hope they are here forever, not just because of what we want, but because of what is best for them.

I will continue to pray for bio mom and bio dad, probably for as long as I live. They have made a lot of bad choices, but they made two very right ones. I'm forever grateful for those two choices and I do wish the best for them. Maybe one day they will turn their lives around.

It's hard for me to understand. If someone took these kids from me and gave me a plan to work on in order to be considered to get them back, I wouldn't sleep until it was finished. I don't know if it is immaturity, poverty or an array of other issues keeping them from it, but it just doesn't matter. Speedy and Princess are what matter now. They are finally home and I want them to stay here.

At first, it felt wrong to pray that they would be here forever because praying that meant praying that the parents would continue to screw up their lives. It doesn't feel wrong anymore. This family needs to be broken up so that a cycle can be broken. It must be broken up so that our children can grow up in a stable, happy home.

While the parents have made "no significant progress", Speedy and Princess continue to thrive in our care. That's significant.

The official word from the caseworker for the bio parents is that there has been "no significant progress" on their case plan. Meaning, they have not made significant progress on the things they have to do in order to be considered to have their children returned to them.

I have to say that this is GREAT news. I'm through with apologizing for wanting a family to be broken apart. Bios made their choices and now they must live with them. These kids deserve a chance at life, they deserve parents who will love them and care for them. We can give them a better home and I hope they are here forever, not just because of what we want, but because of what is best for them.

I will continue to pray for bio mom and bio dad, probably for as long as I live. They have made a lot of bad choices, but they made two very right ones. I'm forever grateful for those two choices and I do wish the best for them. Maybe one day they will turn their lives around.

It's hard for me to understand. If someone took these kids from me and gave me a plan to work on in order to be considered to get them back, I wouldn't sleep until it was finished. I don't know if it is immaturity, poverty or an array of other issues keeping them from it, but it just doesn't matter. Speedy and Princess are what matter now. They are finally home and I want them to stay here.

At first, it felt wrong to pray that they would be here forever because praying that meant praying that the parents would continue to screw up their lives. It doesn't feel wrong anymore. This family needs to be broken up so that a cycle can be broken. It must be broken up so that our children can grow up in a stable, happy home.

While the parents have made "no significant progress", Speedy and Princess continue to thrive in our care. That's significant.

Today is officially "Me Day". Mom has the kids for the day and I can do whatever I want. And I don't know what to do. Twice on the way home from dropping them off, I went into a panic, feeling like I had forgotten them somewhere.

I'm so tired, I'd love to crawl into bed and sleep for a few hours but I hate to waste my free time that way! There are many chores to be done around the house but I'm certainly not wasting my free time THAT way, either!

I've decided to decorate Speedy's room with a "Thomas the train" theme – or maybe just trains in general. He LOVES trains. Every night when we say our prayers I ask him what he wants to thank God for and he says, "Cheewwww Cheewwww twain…."! It cracks me up. He has the little train called Fergus from the Thomas collection, and I should have checked the name before buying it for him. He calls it is "Fug-us twain" and it really doesn't sound nice. The 'g' sounds a lot more like a 'k' than I'd like it to.

I could go shopping for supplies to do his room or I could go to the children's book store and pick up a few books for him. He'll go to the dentist soon so I'd like to find a book about that.

I do want to see a movie but when I looked at the listings, the biggest movie showing is that one that just came out with the world's biggest cult follwing IDIOT starring in it. I won't see that. I won't even watch reruns of movies on tv with him in them. I won't even say the name of the movie or his name because I don't want to publisize him anymore than he's already been publisized.

So maybe I'll see an older movie that's out. But I have to tell you, it's nice to sit and listen to the quiet in my house, too. But it's also a little lonely. How sad is it that I miss my babies already and it's only been two hours since I dropped them off?

Today is officially "Me Day". Mom has the kids for the day and I can do whatever I want. And I don't know what to do. Twice on the way home from dropping them off, I went into a panic, feeling like I had forgotten them somewhere.

I'm so tired, I'd love to crawl into bed and sleep for a few hours but I hate to waste my free time that way! There are many chores to be done around the house but I'm certainly not wasting my free time THAT way, either!

I've decided to decorate Speedy's room with a "Thomas the train" theme – or maybe just trains in general. He LOVES trains. Every night when we say our prayers I ask him what he wants to thank God for and he says, "Cheewwww Cheewwww twain…."! It cracks me up. He has the little train called Fergus from the Thomas collection, and I should have checked the name before buying it for him. He calls it is "Fug-us twain" and it really doesn't sound nice. The 'g' sounds a lot more like a 'k' than I'd like it to.

I could go shopping for supplies to do his room or I could go to the children's book store and pick up a few books for him. He'll go to the dentist soon so I'd like to find a book about that.

I do want to see a movie but when I looked at the listings, the biggest movie showing is that one that just came out with the world's biggest cult follwing IDIOT starring in it. I won't see that. I won't even watch reruns of movies on tv with him in them. I won't even say the name of the movie or his name because I don't want to publisize him anymore than he's already been publisized.

So maybe I'll see an older movie that's out. But I have to tell you, it's nice to sit and listen to the quiet in my house, too. But it's also a little lonely. How sad is it that I miss my babies already and it's only been two hours since I dropped them off?

About five minutes after that last post, my mom called to ask if she could keep the kids one day next week because she just "had" to see them. Thanks, mom. I'm looking forward to a few hours of "me time"!

I'm in a Bible Study right now with an incredible group of women. We are reading James and in James 2:23-24, it says, "23 And the Scripture was fulfilled which says, "Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness." And he was called the friend of God." NKJV

It's the "he was called the friend of God" part that really gets to me. I want to be called the friend of God. I want to believe God in all things. The biggest thing for me to believe God in right now is pretty obvious. I'm believing God to carry us through this journey of adoption. Notice I didn't say I'm believing God to make us the legal parents of Speedy and Princess.

I keep getting little bits of information on the birthfamily and I just need to stop listening to it. Today I began mapping out a plan of action for what I might do to "make sure" we get to keep Speedy and Princess! It's absurd, really. It is completely out of my control but every once in a while I just grab hold of the reins and take off. I hear God whispering, "Be still….breathe….I am here. Who are you going to trust? Yourself or Me?" And I pray my way through it. It requires a complete surrendering to Him. It's not me saying, "okay, God. I know you are going to fix things so that Speedy and Princess stay with us forever so I'll let you have control." It's me saying, "Okay, God. YOUR will, not mine. I trust YOUR will. I trust Your control. I surrender to YOUR plan." It's not easy. It is a daily burden I lay at His feet.

Before you start thinking I'm some wonderful, super Christian type person. Let me set the record straight! It is only through His grace that I am willing to lay my heart down. God crucified His ONLY son, so that I would have the opportunity to live eternally with Him. He made that sacrifice knowing that I (and you) would have a choice of whether or not to accept that precious gift. I don't know about you, but I choose Christ. I choose Christ and whatever that means for our future with these children. I choose Christ because it is His ever present peace that keeps me going each day. I choose Christ because of His unconditional love for me. I choose Christ because He first chose me. For me, there is no other choice.

John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever should believe in Him, should not perish, but have eternal life."

So remember when I first blogged about ME TIME? Well, I'm in desperate need of some now. I love spending time with the kids but I think I'd enjoy it even more if I had a few hours to myself each week. And I'm not talking about hours I spend working or hours I spend cleaning the house….hee hee hee. I'm talking about "me time" hours. When I do whatever I want.

There are many benefits of being the last of your close friends to have kids – you get hand me downs, tried and true advice, etc. etc…. But the one BIG thing you don't get is a break. BK (before kids), I loved to take nieces/nephews/friend's kids for a few hours at a time, or even over night. I really enjoyed the play time plus I knew I was giving their moms a break. Now I wish I had a friend like me. Okay, that sounds bad but I don't care. It's true! Most of the people I'm close with have kids of their own and when they get a break from them, they don't want to take on anyone else's!

I'll survive. Mother's Day Out starts in less than a month and then I'll just be down to one kid for two days a week. That will help a lot. I just need to make time to do the things that are important me, you know? Like read my Bible! It's hard to make time to spend with God like I want to right now. And then there is scrapbooking; although I've given up believing that I can do it the way I'd like to, I would like to start baby books for Speedy and Princess.

I'm just thankful that God always has time for me, even when I don't make the time for Him that I should. He remains faithful in all things, in all places, and in all situations. And I'll get it figured out before long. Won't I?