My Ebenezer

We often look for “signs” in life to let us know if we are on the right track, right? I mean, tell me I’m not the only one who does that! I think, in reality, we look for signs that help us justify what we’re already doing (or not doing). We see things that substantiate what we already believe to be true. Following me here?

Well, I guess that’s what I’m doing now and while I hate to get your hopes up again……… LOL, isn’t it funny that I worry about getting your hopes up? I mean, I’m not even sure who “you” is. ha

I got a call from M today and she had some very interesting news. The siblings, who I am now calling Sonny and Cher (sorry, Karen), have a four-way date set. Probably on February 14. We may or may not be included in that four way and M was waiting for final confirmation before calling me but still hadn’t gotten it. Here’s where it gets interesting.

On Thursday of last week, the case worker for Sonny and Cher called M and wanted her to go down to the CPS office and take them a copy of our scrapbook pages. They liked our homestudy and wanted to see photos. M said they really liked everything they saw and that she really thought we were going to the four way but she had not yet recieved the official notification. This is the first time she has been asked to present our photos prior to the actual four-way.

Why am I going on and on about all of this? Because I have come to the conclusion that the CPS workers choose the family they want to match with the child(ren) before the four-way ever occurs. The four way is mostly a formality and they already know who they want, but have to consider the others. THE “SIGN” is that they wanted to see our information before the four way. That “SIGN” makes me think this could really be it. They really want us to be matched with Sonny and Cher.

I know I’m reaching here but hey, I can’t help it. We may not even be going to the four way and I’ve already decided these are our kids. Perhaps you are wondering how I feel about that? How do I feel about becoming parents to a 1 yr old and a 2 yr old overnight? I can describe it for you in one simple word: FEAR LOL

So what do you think? I think it would be fun take bets or something. Who here thinks this means we are definitely going to the four way? Who here thinks it means we are being matched with these kids? And, finally, who here thinks I’ve gone completely insane? My vote is on the last one! LOL

Wylddad prompted me to write about my thoughts on when/how to tell our children that they are adopted with this post.

The fact is, we’re never going to tell them.

Before you start rioting, let me explain.

I don’t want to sit our children down one day and rock their world by telling them they were adopted. Adoption will be a word we use on a regular basis in our house but it will be just another part of life, I don’t want to make it a big deal. There are some great children’s books out there on adoption and we’ll start reading them as bedtime stories as soon as we get our babies.

If I can’t find one that seems appropriate enough, I’ll write my own. In fact, that is something that I’ve thought a lot about. I hope I follow through and take the time to write a children’s version of our story – how our children came to be ours. I very much hope to include pictures of our child(ren)’s birthfamily in this book.

Those of you who may be reading and are not “in tune” with the adoption community may be surprised by the fact that I hope to have pictures of the birthfamily. Some of you probably even think it’s wierd. I’ve heard people say that it would make them uncomfortable to have pictures of a child’s birthmother. I think it would be a beautiful gift to our child. You see, it’s not about what we think or what we want or even about what we’re afraid of. It’s about the children and what is best for them.

Nothing could convince me that what is best for him/her is to not have the opportunity to know about his/her birthfamily. Granted, I won’t title my children’s book “When Mommy is a Crack Addict”. There is information that we won’t include from the beginning but will make available to our children as it becomes appropriate for their level of maturity. I’ve thought about explaining that birthmom was too “sick” to take care of them, but that word is too common – I’d hate for my child to worry everytime I get sick that I’ll be putting them up for adoption. But it will be something along those lines.

Adopting through foster care is different than other types of adoption. These children don’t typically have parents who made a loving choice to put them up for adoption – most of them were left with no choice due to their own decisions and circumstances. Some of those decisions and circumstances put the children who will one day be mine in harm’s way and that makes me very angry. But I will always hold a special place in my heart for these birthmothers because they gave life to my children.

I’m very blessed to have been given a mother who taught me the meaning of unconditional love. God only knows where I would be today with the profound impact she had on my life. I hope I can pass that unconditional love on to my children and give them the roots they need to fly wherever they want to go. Especially if where they one day choose to go is back to find their birthfamily.

-6.5!!!!!!

People always want to know what it’s like to wait through the process of adoption. It seems everyone has a story of waiting on God and they want to share it with me, which I really don’t mind. Unless I’m feeling cranky which has been quite often lately. But I’m not sure how to explain what the waiting is like. Until this weekend.

We went to dinner with friends Saturday night and while we were sitting at our table a couple walked by with two small children. They looked like they could have been one and two years old. The older was a girl, the younger a boy. As conversation took place around me, I found myself wondering if they could possibly be the two siblings in foster care. Then it dawned on me……that’s what the waiting is like. You see children and you wonder if that stranger is holding the child that will one day be yours.

I know that probably sounds a little creepy but I don’t care. That is what’s going through my mind most of the time. I don’t look at people and wonder if they are drug addicts or alcoholics who will one day have their children taken away from them – I look at them and wonder if they are foster parents caring for a child who may become eligible for adoption. So I hope that makes it less creepy.

And if it doesn’t……..well, then I guess I’m creepy. I can deal with that. I’d rather be anything than “normal”.

-5

People always want to know what it’s like to wait through the process of adoption. It seems everyone has a story of waiting on God and they want to share it with me, which I really don’t mind. Unless I’m feeling cranky which has been quite often lately. But I’m not sure how to explain what the waiting is like. Until this weekend.

We went to dinner with friends Saturday night and while we were sitting at our table a couple walked by with two small children. They looked like they could have been one and two years old. The older was a girl, the younger a boy. As conversation took place around me, I found myself wondering if they could possibly be the two siblings in foster care. Then it dawned on me……that’s what the waiting is like. You see children and you wonder if that stranger is holding the child that will one day be yours.

I know that probably sounds a little creepy but I don’t care. That is what’s going through my mind most of the time. I don’t look at people and wonder if they are drug addicts or alcoholics who will one day have their children taken away from them – I look at them and wonder if they are foster parents caring for a child who may become eligible for adoption. So I hope that makes it less creepy.

And if it doesn’t……..well, then I guess I’m creepy. I can deal with that. I’d rather be anything than “normal”.

-5

That’s all I’ve got today! For a week now I’ve been having trouble with Time Warner (they suck) who provides my high speed internet service. This morning, I woke up to find that my phone service (not provided by TW) was not working. About 11am, my internet and cable went out also. The internet connection has been down from about 11am until about 4pm every day this week. What is up with that? I couldn’t even call and complain because I knew I’d lose it and end up yelling at the poor person who answered the phone.

But I did call my phone service. I won’t repeart the whole conversation, but this part was funny:

Rep: We’ll have your phone line fixed on MOnday, Jan. 30.
Me: Seriously? There’s nothing we can do before then?
Rep: They work weekends and if they can get to it faster they will.
Me: Monday? I have no phone until Monday?
Rep: I can forward your calls free of charge, if you’d like.
Me: That would be great, thanks!
Rep: No problem, we’re sorry for the inconvenience. When your line comes back on, the calls should automatically go back to your house…if not, just give us a call and we’ll take care of it for you.
Me: Thanks! You know, you don’t suck like the people at Time Warner. Did you know that Time Warner REALLY sucks?
Rep: laughing, thanks…that’s good to know……

And no call from M today so no word on the siblings.

Stupid Person of the Day Award
Automated response system at the phone company. “if your phone is not working at all, press 1″ I pressed 1. “If you are calling from your home phone, press 1.” I pressed 2. “If you can be reached at your home phone number in case we get disconnected, press 1.” I screamed into the phone and pressed zero for an operator.

-4

I’m going to try really hard to not use the word “sucks” in this post. Oops. Guess I just blew it. Oh well, at least I don’t tell you stuff like this. Go ahead and click the link, you know you want to. Claudia, hope you don’t mind the reference but i couldn’t resist. I’m still laughing.

It’s been a while since I’ve been on the road before 7am (what am I saying? before 10am) and I was surprised at how many people were out and about. You’d think most people leave their house for work or something…..

I was hoping to hear from M today about the sibling group but I guess she hasn’t gotten a notification yet. All we would find out this week is whether or not we’ve been selected to go to the four way. I have to confess that I’m getting a little bored with the adoption related posts so I may take a break from it for a while. I’ll keep you posted but there just isn’t much to say on that front right now.

I’d rather blog about stupid people because the world seems to be full of them. (here is where I’d like to say that Time Warner seems to have employed several of them……) I know that’s not nice but really now….as the comedian whose name I can’t remember would say, some people should have to wear signs. To warn of their stupidity. Like our waitress at Saltgrass the other night – when we asked, as our meal arrived, about the side order of shrimp we had ordered. “oh,” she says, “they didn’t bring those out?” Ya, they brought them. We just ate them along with the plate they came out on. Now we’d like more, please. DUH!

Because I know it isn’t nice to make fun of people (but I’ll continue to do it anyway) I’ll end with one of my own stupid stories. I use a headset for the online classes I teach and I recently bought a new one. This week, I have had…um, “issues” with it. All of the sudden, my voice cut out and the class could not hear me at all. I started checking for network problems, packet loss issues, etc….. and then I realized I had accidentally pressed the mute button on my new headset. This happened not once, not twice but three times. With the same class. I bet they are writing posts about they stupid instructor with mute button issues tonight.

Edited to add: If the word “sucks” offends you, you should stop reading now.

TIME WARNER SUCKS! TIME WARNER SUCKS! TIME WARNER SUCKS!

That’s how I want to begin my letter to the CEO of Time Warner. But I will choose my words much more carefully and I will compose a letter that tells him/her how much TW sucks without using those words. And I”m going to send a copy of it to every address for TW I can find. Can you tell I’m ticked?

Enough of that. For now, my internet is working. Ofcourse, it was working last night too but not today (because TIME WARNER SUCKS) when I needed it for my job. In the last week, there have been 3 tech guys from sucky TW at my house and there are two more scheduled to come out on Friday and Saturday. I’ve made probably 10 phone calls in the last week. It’s a wonder I still have cable at all.

BLEH!

Tomorrow, I get to do something I haven’t done in a very long time. I’m going to get up and get dressed and go to work. Usually, I just have to stumble down the hall to my home office but since TIME WARNER SUCKS I’m going over to Brigitte’s house to use her computer. (She has DSL with an internet service provider that doesn’t suck.) I’m lucky to have such wonderful friends – several have offered the use of their home computers.

So, back to tomorrow. I’m going to get up and go to Brigitte’s to work all day. Woo Hoo! I’m just so glad I’ll be able to work. Okay, I’m not really glad I get to work because I’m not real big on working in general but I made a commitment to do these classes so I’m glad I get to keep that commitment. Oh, and by the way, when I said I had to get dressed and go to work……that means I’ll brush my teeth and put on my comfy slippers and drive to Brigitte’s in my PJ’s. Just because TIME WARNER SUCKS doesn’t mean I should have to suffer and wear grown up clothes while I’m teaching. ha ha ha

I talked to M today and she said she expects to hear something soon on the siblings. I can’t remember if I posted this or not but the 1 yr old is a boy and the 2 yr old is a girl! That would be so much fun. We’re still toying with the idea of straight foster care but it’s really scary. We’re still praying on it. If you want to read more about what it would be like, you should check out Tamara’s story. Right now, they have an infant they picked up from the hospital!

HEre’s another random thought that is not about TIME WARNER SUCKING. Today, I had a bowl of chicken broth for a “snack”. I feel like I’ve reached an all new low in this whole dieting thing and I’m only on day 3. If you are wondering why I chose chicken broth, it’s because it has zero points on the weight watchers system. The whole time I was eating it I kept thinking about the episode of Friends where Rachel wants Ross to drink chicken fat or lard or something from a glass to show he’s really sorry. I wanted to vomit.

-2

Time Warner sucks. I’m getting DSL service but don’t know how much connectivity I’ll have before next week. What if something incredibly exciting happens and I can’t tell you all about it? Oh No! I’ll find a way, don’t worry. ha ha ha ha

-2

Today was a success as far as the whole diet thing goes. But I have to tell you I am a little angry at the people who make labels for the foods we eat. Sometimes, they just plain lie. For example, a Lean Pocket claims it is low fat and so I assumed I was eating fairly healthy when I had one for lunch. Then I decided I would check the points with my Weight Watchers point calculator thingy and one of those tiny little things was was a little less than 1/3 of the points I’m allotted per day! WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?

Anyway. Weight Watchers. I’ve been a weight watcher for about the last 3 years. ONly, I’ve been watching my weight go up instead of down. I don’t think that is what the program is intended for. Did you know that regarldless of how much “stuff” you purchase from weightwatchers, you won’t actually lose any weight unless you follow their stinkin’ plan? That just doesn’t seem right.

We went to a meeting tonight for “waiting families” at our agency. It was mostly a waste of time but we showed our smiling faces, etc… etc… etc…. We absolutely love our caseworker and she was there, she asked us to go and that is mainly why we went. They pretty much told us stuff we already knew but we did get to see their statistics for children placed last year. Most of them were children ages 2 and younger.

Here’s a disturbing thought. The intake worker for foster care said that she turns away opportunities to place infants on a regular basis bc she doesn’t have enough families willing to take babies for foster care. That just sucks. We’ve talked about doing foster care, which could turn into an adoption but it is a higher risk. We could control some of that risk by only accepting placements that the workers thought had a good chance of turning into adoption, but it would our hearts on the line. Please pray for God’s infinite wisdom and discernment on this matter. We’re not sure what to do. It’s incredibly scary.

0

As Brien and I were having our “last supper” tonight, we decided on a plan for weight loss. We have 6 weeks. At the end of the six weeks whoever has lost the highest percentage of body weight wins. Weigh in is first thing tomorrow morning. We’ll weigh in every week and to keep us motivated, the loser each week has to do all of the laundry that week. Laundry usually only gets done ever 2 weeks around here so this a big deal.

Whoever is the “Biggest Loser” at the end of the six weeks gets to pick where we go for vacation this year. If Brien wins, I’ll be doing some kind of hunting. If I win, he’ll be accompanying me to Hollywood to look for movie stars. ha ha ha Also, the loser has to do all the laundry for a month.

I know it doesn’t make much sense to weigh every day, but I’m going to do it every day and I’ll post my numbers. Not the weight, just the number of pounds lost. Or gained, but hopefully not. ha ha ha

This should keep our minds occupied for a while. And don’t worry, if he starts winning I’ll start making his lunch again. she says as she grins wickedly

Who knew it could be so hard to bake potatoes? I don’t like potatoes from the microwave, they just don’t seem to taste the same so I like mine cooked in the oven. The only thing is that I could never seem to get them done in time for dinner.

If I put the potatoes in at about 325 (which was the most popular answer I got when I asked people) for an hour, they were NEVER ready. If I cooked them for 2 hours, they STILL wouldn’t be ready. So I tried 425 with no luck. The potatoes took FOREVER. I tried poking holes in them, not poking holes in them, putting a little water in the wrapping, not put water in the wrapping, cooking them for 1.5 hours at 350, cooking them for 1 hour at 425, cooking them for two hours at 375…..NOTHING worked.

My mom would probably love to tell you about the baked potatoes I cooked for Mother’s Day last year. I was determined that they would be good since I was cooking for mom. The good news: they were done. The bad news: They were DONE. I put them in the oven before we left for church so they ended up cooking for about 3 hours. Let’s just say we had cajun baked potatoes with our lunch that day.

Finally, a few weeks ago I decided to branch out on my own and I put the potatoes in the oven and set it to 500 degrees. Yes, you read that correctly, I said 500 DEGREES. I let them go for half an hour and then I turned it down to 450. They cooked for another hour at 450. Guess what? They were FABULOUS!

So, to everyone who says they cook their baked potatoes in the oven at 325 for one hour: LIARS! You cook them in the microwave and pass them off as oven cooked. And now I know your secret.

The point of this whole story is to say this: Tonight, I put the potatoes in at 500 and decided we’d cook them for one hour at 500 degrees. As I’m sitting in the den smelling that “something’s burning” smell, this is what I was thinking: “hmmmm…i smell something burning. It’s probably just the “drippings” at the bottom of the oven….I wonder how long it’s been since we’ve cleaned that….it would suck if something really was burning and my oven blew up and burned the kitchen down….what would I do if I walked into the kitchen and there were flames shooting out?…..ooooh.. that would make a great blog………”

Yes, friends. My reaction to the thought of my kitchen burning down was not where the fire extinguisher was, but what I’d write in my blog. I’m sick. Really, really sick.

I caved. I called M a little while ago and learned the following:

• 1yr old boy – local family chosen
• 4 month old boy – local family chosen
• 6 month old girl – her foster family decided to adopt her
• 1 yr old boy and 2 yr old girl siblings – families will be chosen next week for a four-way
• 2 yr old girl – still accepting homestudies so we have a ways to go before families are chosen.

I still think it would be awsome to get the siblings! Only time will tell.

Today I realized that it has been almost a whole week since I have talked to M. (our case worker) If I can make it through tomorrow without calling her, it will be the first time since she became our case worker that I’ve gone a week without speaking with her. This may not seem like a big deal to you, but BELIEVE ME, it is HUGE.

The crazy part is that I haven’t even thought much about calling her this week except today it just dawned on me that I hadn’t talked to her. I usually spend a good part of each day talking myself down; telling myself why I shouldn’t call her at that moment! ha.

I don’t know why this week is different. I hope it is because I am learning to let go more and more and just trusting God with all the details. We’ll just call it that, okay?

On a more interesting note, did you know that God loves you (especially you, HH)more than canaries? I love reading The Message (The Bible in contemporary language) and this is what I found today:

Luke 12:6-7
6 “What’s the price of two or three pet canaries? Some loose change, right? But God never overlooks a single one. 7 And he pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail — even numbering the hairs on your head! So don’t be intimidated by all this bully talk. You’re worth more than a million canaries.” (from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)

Since January 2, 2006, I have been watching what I eat. And I don’t mean eating anything I want and just watching it go in my mouth, which is my usual habit. I’ve never blogged about dieting before because I don’t want this to be about losing weight/getting in shape/eating healthy…bleh! But I can no longer resist the urge to tell you how much I hate trying to lose weight.

I’ve tried everything! I’ve counted calories, fat grams, carbs…..I no longer know what to eat and what not to eat. My latest plan has been to follow an 80-20 rule – I make healthier choices 80% of the time and eat what I want the other 20. You would think that since I am no longer eating crap 100% of the time that this plan would work, right? Maybe the weight won’t come off overnight, but it should come off slowly, shouldn’t it? Really, I’m making better choices.

I mean, take today for instance. I went to Chik fil a (this was a 20% lunch) and I ordered a grilled chicken wrap meal. I only ate the fries and drank the sweet tea – that was my lunch! I ate less, shouldn’t that count? I’ll have the wrap (minus the fries) tomorrow. OH, and I had fruit today. Bananna ice cream. And it was a small. So what’s the problem? she says as she puts another chocolate kiss in her mouth

There is absolutely nothing to report today. I woke up at the crack of 10:30am, cleaned the kitchen so I could cook and then went to the grocery store. When I got back, Brigitte and Barrett came over and I started cooking. I did a few loads of laundry. I rocked Barrett to sleep (twice) and that was the highlight of my day. He’s so stinkin cute. Anyway, finished cooking, cleaned AGAIN, went out for a visit with friends and then back home for dinner with Brien. TV time, time spent thinking I should be cleaning my office…time spent laughing at that idea and channel surfing instead.

Wow. What a day. The show about nothing was a lot more interesting than the blog about nothing.

I’ll try again tomorrow!

My thoughts today have been consumed with being intentional about my faith. The word intentional is defined as Done deliberately; intended.

So I keep asking myself, how can I be intentional about my faith? I get excited when I have an opportunity to share my faith with someone else whether it be through conversation or action. I get excited when i feel the Holy Spirit prodding me to be the hands and feet of Christ to someone. I wonder, though, why it is that I have to wait until I feel that prodding or until an opportunity just presents itself to me.

Okay, let’s rewind a bit because you may already be confused – I know I am.

I believe with all my heart that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. I believe with all my heart that He died for us, that He rose again and that His deepest desire is to have a relationship with me. With you. With us. I believe what God tells us in Jeremiah 29:11, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord. ‘They are for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.’” I also believe that God wants me to be His hands and feet on Earth. To share His love with others – not just in words but also with my actions.

If I believe all that as I say I do, what am I intentionally doing to share that with others? Aside from teaching Sunday School or Bible Studies and things like that…. I’m talking about in my every day life; do I look for opportunities or do I just wait for them to occur? I want to be intentional about loving others.

Here’s my plan. For one week, I am going to intentionally do at least one thing a day to be the hands and feet of Christ for someone else. Not because I’m a wonderful person, believe me when I say that all the good inside of me is only there because of Jesus. I wonder what God will teach me this week as I strive to live more intentionally.

Do you live intentionally?

Rom 5:1-5

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,2 through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.3 And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance;4 and perseverance, character; and character, hope.5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
NKJV

Rom 5:1-5
By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us — set us right with him, make us fit for him — we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. 2 And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand — out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.
3 There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, 4 and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. 5 In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary — we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!(from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)

Rom 5:1-5

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,2 through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.3 And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance;4 and perseverance, character; and character, hope.5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
NKJV

Rom 5:1-5
By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us — set us right with him, make us fit for him — we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. 2 And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand — out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.
3 There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, 4 and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. 5 In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary — we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!(from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)

I love roses in January!

I love roses in January!

In Austin today, there is a couple with no children who just learned they will parent a 5 month old baby girl. Can you imagine how excited they are? Let’s pray for a smooth transition for all involved. It’s wierd, I am only a tiny bit disappointed – I can’t stop thinking about this other couple and how happy they must be.

Usually, when we get this news, I write tell you how God is in control and how He has a plan. You’ve heard all that before and you should know it by now, right? I don’t need to repeat myself? It’s just that I am amazed by how in control God really is. The worker for the child talked to THe Adoption Lady (my friend) and told her that the only reason they chose that family is because they are in the same city. (we are 2 hours away) She said it was a matter of convenience.

While that ticked The Adoption Lady off a little bit, I just kinda laughed and said, Convenience? No, that was God. There were too many people praying for this child and for us and for the whole thing – prayer does not result in convenience. God was there, friends. He was there when a family was picked for this little girl and He said this was not our child.

Last night, I fell asleep thinking of pink ribbons and bows and praying for God’s perfect will. THis morning, I found out what His perfect will is, at least on this one child. THank You, God, for hearing our prayers and for blessing us with so many Christian friends who pray for us. Thank you for the child You have for us. We’re okay with the waiting, we’ll wait as long You want us to until Your timing is just right.

Now, God, what about the 1 and 2 yr old siblings? ha ha ha

Ps 113:2-92 Just to remember GOD is a blessing — now and tomorrow and always. 3 From east to west, from dawn to dusk,keep lifting all your praises to GOD!
4 GOD is higher than anything and anyone, outshining everything you can see in the skies. 5 Who can compare with GOD, our God,so majestically enthroned, 6 Surveying his magnificent heavens and earth? 7 He picks up the poor from out of the dirt,rescues the wretched who’ve been thrown out with the trash, 8 Seats them among the honored guests,a place of honor among the brightest and best. 9 He gives childless couples a family, 9gives them joy as the parents of children. (from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language)

So here’s an update on what children we are submitted on:

• 4 month old boy – “could” hear which families are chosen for the four way by the end of this week
• 6 month old girl – waiting for families to be chosen for the four-way, case worker really liked our homestudy
• 1 yr old and 2 yr old siblings (previously reported both boys, but one is boy one is girl!) – caseworker was very excited about our homestudy, no word on when families will be chosen for the four way
• 1 yr old boy – caseworker doesn’t return calls so no clue when family will be chosen – this one will not go to a four way, a family will be chosen by the worker
• 5 month old girl, this is the one we’re calling Lily – should know whether or not we get her by end of day tomorrow

Phew. Anyone else feeling a bit overwhelmed after reading that?

Part of me feels like I jinx things when I admit them here. I know that’s silly, I don’t believe in “jinxing” but maybe I do …… just a little.

See, on Monday I got an email from the Adoption Lady. She told me about a 5 month old baby girl I’m going to call Lily. I know, I’m leaving superheroes behind – let’s face it, they never worked for me. Our homestudy has been submitted on Lily and we should find out by the end of the day Friday whether or not we’ve been chosen to parent her in a legal-risk adoption.

Because she does not live in our county, there will not be a four-way on her, just a family chosen. The Adoption Lady spoke with Lily’s caseworker and is confident that we are being considered for this child. I think this is probably one of the better opportunities we’ve had – and I mean that from the perspective of having a chance at being chosen. (not better as in a “better” child because they are all precious)

Anyway, I know not to get too excited. I’ve been down that road before. But honestly, how can I help it? I’d rather have these small windows filled with hope and excitement than have just a boring, emotionless wait. Right? Some have asked me if I feel like “this is the one” and the answer is no. I have no feeling one way or the other but I”m not sure I ever will. I want this child. I’ve asked God for this child. I’ve also asked God to send her to the family that is best for her – not for us. That is the hardest part in all of this – realizing that no matter how much we may want something, what is best for the child is what matters most.

God knows our child(ren). I hope this is it but I will not settle for anything other than what God has for us. So I pray His will, not mine, is done.

I have to admit that what I hate most about not being selected for a child is having to tell people about it. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t want to say much about this situation but I can’t help myself. I’m excited! I’m dreaming of pink dresses and ribbons and bows………I can’t stop myself. Not that I want to.

It’s just so wierd to think that next week we could have a daughter. And if not next week, then one of these weeks…….. I hope you will hang in there with me. I hope you can hold on tight enough to enjoy this ride with us and not get tired of the ups and downs. Welcome to our life.

God is good, friends. All the time. He has a plan and we’re counting on it.

On a side note, please say a special prayer for my dad. He’s finished his treatments and goes back to the doctor tomorrow to determine what’s next. He’s making lots of progress but not quite out of the woods yet.

Do you ever have those moments? You know, the ones where you look around and wonder whose house you’re living in? Whose job you have? Whose car you’re driving? Whose kids you’re raising?

Sometimes I feel that way. I guess on the inside I just don’t feel old enough to have a house or a car. I certainly don’t feel old enough to have children. I wonder how I got here. When did life start happening so quickly?

For those of you who now think I’m schizophrentic (yes, i know it is spelled incorrectly but it’s my other personality who knows how to spell), let me explain it another way. Have you ever been driving down the road and then just kinda “woke up” and not been able to remember the last few miles or so? Please tell me I’m not the only one this happens to………

Anyway, I’ve had one of those days today. It just all seems surreal – my life and everything about it. Everything except Brien. I never wonder whose husband I’m married to and I never feel “out of place” with him. He belongs. We belong. Sometimes that is all I’m sure of.

I read somewhere that it is delurking week. This means people everywhere, who normally read blogs without commenting, are supposed to “come out of the closet” and comment. Come on, you can do it! I could REALLY use a good distraction this week and maybe, just maybe I’ll tell you about this special situation……..once you delurk! Let’s see who you are and where you’re from. Feel free to use just your first name or even a pseudo name. Just tell me where you’re from.

I have a site counter that shows how many hits this blog gets everyday. I’m not naive enough to believe that the 75 or so hits a day all come from different people. I know some of you visit multiple times in one day to see if I’ve updated, right? So I’m just curious to see if anyone else is reading. Encourage me. Let me know you’re there. Make my day. Let’s declare Wednesday, January 11, 2006 the official day of delurking for this blog. And if you miss Wednesday, then anytime this week will work!

Grammar, you’ve been quiet for a while, this would be a GREAT opportunity for you to come out of the closet! Oh, and i think the person who totally OUTED me with Brien’s picture should definitely speak up, too! ha ha ha

Can’t wait to see who you are and I hope you don’t make me feel like a big loser by allowing me to have only a few comments from this post.

Pretty in Pink
It’s amazing that he didn’t wake up as the flash was going off, but here is the promised picture of Daddy-O and the pink sheets. He’d be so thrilled to know this picture made the website. Good thing I married a guy with such a wonderful sense of humor! How I love this man! Edited to add: If you missed the picture of Daddy-O sleeping on the pink sheets, you’ll have to do without. He’s had about all he can take! I think it was David’s comment that pushed him over the edge….or maybe it was that I was laughing so hard I had tears streaming down my face as I told him what David’s comment said.

God Knows Best

Before Christmas, our preacher preached on the virgin birth of Jesus. I know, I know. Everyone preached on that before Christmas. But this sermon was different, it was more about Elizabeth (the mother of John the Baptist) than it was about Mary.

Elizabeth and her husband, Zachariah wanted to have a child for many years but were unable to conceive. Luke 1:6-7 even says that they were righteous which gives us reason to believe that their “barreness” was not a punishment from God. (in those days, if a woman was unable to conceive, it was always seen as some sort of punishement from God)

Luke 1:6 Together they lived honorably before God, careful in keeping to the ways of the commandments and enjoying a clear conscience before God. 7 But they were childless because Elizabeth could never conceive, and now they were quite old. (from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language)

I know how hard it is to be barren in today’s world; I can not imagine how difficult it must have been for Elizabeth and Zachariah back then. But their barreness wasn’t about them at all…it was all part of God’s plan. God wanted John the Baptist to be born at a very specific time so it all had to come together just perfectly. See, God was going to use John in a HUGE way…to “pave” the way for Jesus. To prepare people. He had a purpose for Elizabeth’s infertility.

Luke 1:13-17
13 But the angel reassured him, “Don’t fear, Zachariah. Your prayer has been heard. Elizabeth, your wife, will bear a son by you. You are to name him John. 14 You’re going to leap like a gazelle for joy, and not only you — many will delight in his birth. 15 He’ll achieve great stature with God.”He’ll drink neither wine nor beer. He’ll be filled with the Holy Spirit from the moment he leaves his mother’s womb. 16 He will turn many sons and daughters of Israel back to their God. 17 He will herald God’s arrival in the style and strength of Elijah, soften the hearts of parents to children, and kindle devout understanding among hardened skeptics — he’ll get the people ready for God.”(from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language)

God has a purpose for everything and for everyone. Regardless of what we face in our lives, whether it be infertility or some other hardship, God knows what He’s doing. Our job is to trust Him even when we don’t understand it.

We trust God to bring us the child(ren) He has for us. Our waiting is frustrating and even gets depressing, but God knows what He is doing. Everything has to come together perfectly for His plan to work and we will wait as long as it takes.

What are you willing to wait on God for in your own life?

Pretty in Pink
It’s amazing that he didn’t wake up as the flash was going off, but here is the promised picture of Brien and the pink sheets. He’d be so thrilled to know this picture made the website. Good thing I married a guy with such a wonderful sense of humor! How I love this man! Edited to add: If you missed the picture of Brien sleeping on the pink sheets, you’ll have to do without. He’s had about all he can take! I think it was David’s comment that pushed him over the edge….or maybe it was that I was laughing so hard I had tears streaming down my face as I told him what David’s comment said.

God Knows Best

Before Christmas, our preacher preached on the virgin birth of Jesus. I know, I know. Everyone preached on that before Christmas. But this sermon was different, it was more about Elizabeth (the mother of John the Baptist) than it was about Mary.

Elizabeth and her husband, Zachariah wanted to have a child for many years but were unable to conceive. Luke 1:6-7 even says that they were righteous which gives us reason to believe that their “barreness” was not a punishment from God. (in those days, if a woman was unable to conceive, it was always seen as some sort of punishement from God)

Luke 1:6 Together they lived honorably before God, careful in keeping to the ways of the commandments and enjoying a clear conscience before God. 7 But they were childless because Elizabeth could never conceive, and now they were quite old. (from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language)

I know how hard it is to be barren in today’s world; I can not imagine how difficult it must have been for Elizabeth and Zachariah back then. But their barreness wasn’t about them at all…it was all part of God’s plan. God wanted John the Baptist to be born at a very specific time so it all had to come together just perfectly. See, God was going to use John in a HUGE way…to “pave” the way for Jesus. To prepare people. He had a purpose for Elizabeth’s infertility.

Luke 1:13-17
13 But the angel reassured him, “Don’t fear, Zachariah. Your prayer has been heard. Elizabeth, your wife, will bear a son by you. You are to name him John. 14 You’re going to leap like a gazelle for joy, and not only you — many will delight in his birth. 15 He’ll achieve great stature with God.”He’ll drink neither wine nor beer. He’ll be filled with the Holy Spirit from the moment he leaves his mother’s womb. 16 He will turn many sons and daughters of Israel back to their God. 17 He will herald God’s arrival in the style and strength of Elijah, soften the hearts of parents to children, and kindle devout understanding among hardened skeptics — he’ll get the people ready for God.”(from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language)

God has a purpose for everything and for everyone. Regardless of what we face in our lives, whether it be infertility or some other hardship, God knows what He’s doing. Our job is to trust Him even when we don’t understand it.

We trust God to bring us the child(ren) He has for us. Our waiting is frustrating and even gets depressing, but God knows what He is doing. Everything has to come together perfectly for His plan to work and we will wait as long as it takes.

What are you willing to wait on God for in your own life?

I told you something exciting was going to happen this week. We have another opportunity that I just found out about this morning. I’ve decided to celebrate these opportunities as they arise because, let’s face it, opportunities are all we’ve got right now! ha ha ha

I’m not ready to blog about it but will let you know if something develops. Just be praying for God’s perfect will for another precious child.

Not really, but I don’t have anything exciting to say so I thought I’d start with that. The weekend was relaxing and restful and the weather was beautiful. Have I mentioned lately that I love living in Houston?

Something VERY exciting happened last week and I can’t believe I forgot to blog about it. Thursday night, in our bedroom, something I’ve dreamed of for a long time happened. Now that I have your attention again, I’ll tell you that we slept on the HOT PINK SHEETS I got for Christmas! I don’t know why sheets make me so happy, but they just do – I guess it’s the little things, right?

While I love my sheets, I must admit that when I got into bed (Daddy-O is usually asleep by the time I go to bed) and looked over at Daddy-O all cuddled up with HOT PINK SHEETS, it creeped me out a little bit. Daddy-O is a manly man who loves to be outside, loves to fix things, build things, destroy things…etc… He won’t wear pink in any shade and he would kill me if I told you that I’d dragged him along to get a pedicure (and made him get one too) one time. Ooops! So he just looked funny in the hot pink sheets. Adorable, but funny.

I’ve got this feeling that something wonderful is going to happen this week and I can’t wait to see what it is. God is up to something. I know what you’re thinking – I didn’t say it had anything to do with a child, I just said something wonderful is going to happen this week. So if something wonderful happens to you, be sure to tell me about it!

Here are the photos of the scrapbook pages – I know they are cheesey but I like them that way. If you notice the two major errors, please don’t point them out because I’m already self-concious about them and struggling to keep myself from doing them over again.

And the second pages:

No feelings hurt if you don’t show up on the friends or families page. We went with the people we see most often and what photos we had.

After spending several hours working on the first set of scrapbook pages for our adoption agency, I was asked to do them again. The first ones were all done electronically so that they could be easily photocopied; this is what we were asked to do. M called the other day and suggested I do real pages since it is listed as one of my hobbies; she said she really thought it would set us apart from the rest when they are reviewing our information in a four way.

When I sit down to do scrapbooking, I turn in to a complete freak. I live in a house that is usually messy. I drive a car that is usually messy. My office is rarely organized. But my scrapbook pages are perfect. Every piece of paper serves a purpose and has its place and I know right where I want it. It takes me hours to complete pages; in fact, today it took me about 6 hours to finish 6 pages and I had mom helping me. (Thanks again, Mom, you’re the best!) That time did NOT include the time it took for the pictures to print.

It’s crazy! I suddenly want everything right where it’s “supposed” to be. If you look at the pages, you can definitely tell which ones were done first. They get a little sloppier as I get more and more tired with each passing hour. O well, it is finished and I’m very pleased. Maybe I’ll take some pictures and post them later because I’m sure you want to spend your time look at photos of my scrapbook pages. Has it really come down to just this?

If you aren’t asleep from this post, you should be. I gotta get a life. Anyone know which store has them on the clearance rack this week?