My Ebenezer

Wow. A one year old little boy, a 5 month old little girl….all within a few days of each other. It may not seem like much to you, but it is the world to me. It represents progress. I just wanted to stop and thank God for all the little blessings along the way.

Our case worker, S, wants to meet with us next week to get a “better feel for us”. The Adoption Lady told me that before S can go into a “4-way” and fight for us, she needs to meet us. I asked S if we were going to a 4-way soon and she said not that she knows of, but if we were to be selected tomorrow, she’d have to meet with us before she could really go in and fight for us. So, this is a good thing.

And I’m so happy to have family staying with us right now. My sister laughed when I told her this, but I think I’ll feel so lonely when they leave – I like having a house full of people.

Didn’t hear back from S at all yesterday and I’ve already talked with her twice today! Can’t beat that. Even better, she told me that in addition to submitting us on the one year old little boy, she also submitted us on a 5 month old baby girl. Or, she is now in the process of doing that. The little girl has a cleft chin and S told us that a lot of people won’t be submitted on her b/c they won’t want to deal with that. That makes me sad, but also happy because it increases our chances of getting her!

I just woke up a few minutes ago and, pathetically, my first thoughts were about blogging. I don’t know where I was or why I was there, I just remember that as Daddy-O and I were going to bed I looked up and saw geckos crawling on the wall, near the ceiling. These were some of the biggest Geckos I’ve ever seen and had all of their babies with them. Bleh!

How could I possibly sleep in a room full of Geckos? For some reason, Daddy-O the Gecko Slayer was not going to be able to get them all. Again, how could I sleep with Geckos? Evidently, I couldn’t. That’s when I woke up.

Anyway, I called S, our caseworker, yesterday morning and she has not returned my call. That irks me. Little does she know that I will call her back again today…….I am a stalker. And I’m not afraid to admit it. I just want to touch base with her to find out if she has submitted us on any other children. I’ll let you know when I find out.

Things seem to be getting back to normal around here. Gas stations have gas, grocery stores have groceries and most businesses are “back in business”. What an erie feeling to see such a large city simply shut down. While we are incredibly grateful to have missed being beaten up by Rita, we’re very sorry for our family and friends to the east of us.

I’m thrilled about about family that is coming to stay with us for a while until things get back to “normal” in Lake Charles. I’m so excited to get to have them here for a while but sorry it is under these circumstances. And while I’m being selfish, I may as well say out loud that this would be a wonderful time for us to get our child(ren) because I’d have plenty of help around here! ha ha ha. And what a blessing in the midst of the turmoil Rita has left behind.

Anyway, I am hopeful about the little boy I mentioned before. More hopeful with this one than with any before…. maybe I’ll feel that way each time I know we are submitted on a child. But who knows? This could be “the one”. Only God knows.

Hop on over to Stacy’s blog and let her know you’ll say a prayer for her family. They’ve recently been submitted on two girls they have already met and fallen in love with.

Please also continue to pray for those affected by Rita….a few of the people who read this blog regularly are currently waiting to hear if they have a house to go home to. Some already know they do but are waiting simply to be able to go home. Pray for God’s comfort as they wait. And pray that He will bless them immensely in the days to come.

And while you’re at it, please pray for this one year old baby boy who could possibly become our little boy. Happy Birthday baby boy – today he turned one. Pray that he goes to the family God has for him, whoever they may be.

This is my neighbor, so be nice. If you aren’t familiar with Aggies, disregard.

Well, we’ve been submitted on another child. A 1 yr old little boy, this time! Woo-Hoo! I’m fired up. Won’t know anything for a couple of weeks and won’t ever know anything if we aren’t chosen. But we’re excited at the possibility. Another wonderful thing is that this child is already eligible for straight adoption. No foster care! That’s exciting, too! I’ll keep ya posted!

Okay, God. We’re ready now. The storm has passed and we’d like to get our kids. Thanks. ha ha ha

No excitement here overnight, thankfully. Still have power (obviously) and even cable. I talked to family in Lake Charles this morning and they are fine – lots of damage there but they are safe and dry.

The last couple of days have been a roller coaster ride – preparing for the worst and hoping for the best. Now that it looks as though we’ll miss most of the storm, we’ve gotten bored. No one worked today and we were all sitting around, waiting for something to happen. NOw, it looks like we’ll get a tropical storm and not much more on our side of town. That’s good news.

Here is what one of our neighbors was doing to prepare for the storm:

This is what the rest of us were doing:

We were trying to make sure all of our walkie talkies worked and that we were all on the same channel, just in case we lost electricity. From about 4pm until about 8pm, we waited for the winds to come and we got a few impressive gusts, but nothing to convince us to go inside. I’m not complaining.

There’s a really nice breeze here today. Go figure. I bet it will get a lot breezier as the day goes on. We’re not too worried about the storm here, thinking we shouldn’t get more than 70 mph winds at the most and we may lose power, but hopefully not for too long. ?

My biggest concern now is for the family and friends in the Beaumont and Lake Charles areas. All that I know of are accounted for and evacuated, except one family. Please pray for God’ protection over my father, stepmother and their parents. Please also pray for our children – we don’t know where they are and pray they are not in the path of this nasty storm.

It looks like we might miss the worst part of Rita. We’ve decided to hunker down and stay. I must say that it is very strange to see gas stations deserted because they’ve run out of gas and to see grocery aisles empty. You will be happy to know, however, that I did pick up a few extas essentials this morning. Like Pringles. And Snickers. Oh ya, and Milky Ways. Woo-Hoo…we’re all set.

I’m starting to get a bit woosey, after getting only 3 hours of sleep last night. OUr house looks as though a hurricane has already hit – stuff strewn about everywhere as we decided what to take with us, what to wrap in plastic, and what to leave behind. Now, the job of undoing everything – but we’ll wait until the storm passes, just in case.

Please say a special prayer for my friends and family in Lake Charles. They are currently in the path of the “nasty side” of Rita.

How many times have I played the, “what would you take if the house was burning down” game? Why can’t I remember my answers? It’s hard to choose what to take and what to leave behind. Photos. I don’t want to lose photos but how hard would it be for me to take all of my albums?

Let me just say that I am so completely grateful that we have not yet been matched with a child or children. While I am very eager to become a parent, I’m glad I can weather this storm without worrying about little ones underfoot.

Of course, you know my next thought. “okay, God. I get it. Thanks for not bringing our kids to us before this storm…but right after it’s all through and we get home, we’ll get them, right?……”

Unless hurricane Rita makes a drastic turn before tomorrow morning, we’re heading out. Jana and her family have graciously offered to put us up for a few days so we’re planning to go and get out of the way of Rita. I really don’t expect to have major damage on our street or to our house, unless a tree lands on it. That could suck. Better safe than sorry.

As I was standing in line this morning at SIX AM, yes, SIX AM to purchase a generator, i realized that lots of people were worried about the storm. There were ten people in front of me and by the time the store opened at 8am, there were at least 200 people behind me. Sorry to say most of those 200 did not get generators.

If the power is out when we return, we’ll have the generator to run the refrigerator/freezer and a few fans or something. Who knows, maybe I can hook the playstation up for entertainment.

By the way, you’ll be happy to know that the instinct to buy lots of junk food in the face of an emergency runs in my family. Let’s see if I can remember all of the things my siser, TB, told me she bought in the way of “non-perishable food”:

• Pop tarts
• Powdered donuts
• cookies
• chicken in a basket crackers
• various other non-chocolate junk food

I add the “non-chocolate” there because when her husband was teasing her about not buying good food they could eat on for a few days if the power went out, she said, “but i didn’t buy any chocolate.” You see, in my family, anything non-chocolate is not considered desert or junk food. LOL

Hi, my name is Cindy and I am an impatient waiter. Read the minutes from Waiters Anonymous first meeting and this may make more sense.

About 3 1/2 years ago we decided to start a family. 3 years on the infertility roller coaster prompted us to explore the world of adoption and in February this year we decided to go forward and haven’t yet looked back. All through training we were told of waiting children – okay, so maybe we just heard what we wanted to hear – who needed homes. We believed the faster we did our paperwork, the faster we’d get our little ones. We worked hard and even redecorated two rooms. (Check the pictures from the links at the left, I’m too lazy to put them here) Anyway, we’ve been waiting to be matched for 6 weeks now and although I have not mentioned this word before……CHRISTMAS is coming. We want our kids for christmas. We aren’t supposed to say that but let’s face it, we all know we’re thinking it.

So, we’re about 6 weeks in. Don’t know if that’s considered on the wagon or off it, but we need a chip. (i prefer Pringles)

Who’s Next?

…like a woman scorned. First, there was Katrina. Now, there is Rita. While I hope that by the time we wake up on Tuesday morning, “Rita” will have turned around and headed back out towards the ocean (by way of just jumping right over Florida, of course) we had to get prepared. So here’s the list of things we bought at Sam’s tonight so you can see where our priorities are:

• AA batteries – Check
• D batteries – out of stock, must find tomorrow
• Plan to get 91 year old grandmother out of her house and someplace away from the storm – still working on that
• 2 cases of bottled water – check
• new flashlight – check
• lantern style flashlight – check
• DVDs to keep us entertained – ooops, guess we won’t be able to do that, huh?
• Chef Boy R D raviolis in a case – check
• beef stew in a can (case) – check
• Huge box of Nutter Butter cookies – check
• Chewy granola bars – check
• paper plates – check
• 500 plastic forks – check (remember, we were at Sam’s)
• Candles – oops, forgot about them
• charcoal – check
• lighter fluid – check
• matches – oops, guess we’ll get those tomorrow too
• dogfood – oops, sorry guys, we’ll get that tomorrow too
• battery operated alarm clock – what? you have to go to work if the electricity is out? – we’ll have to get that tomorrow too
• hershey kisses – CHECK
• laundry detergent? – Daddy-O: do you know how to wash clothes by hand? Me: why? are your hands broken? And NO – but paaahhhlleeeassse, we only do laundry every 2 weeks how it is, i don’t think this will be a problem

There were several things we picked up at Sam’s but then put back down ….like steaks…because if we don’t have electricity……..

I thought it was a little crazy to go to the store tonight but there were a ton of people there. You’d be amazed at how many things the stores were out of, like water. We got 2 of the last cases they had.

Anyway, I have to say that while I am very eager to get our kids, we are glad that we don’t have to worry about little ones with a hurricane possibly heading this way. And if it doesn’t come this way, anyone want some Chef Boy R Dee?

You’ll be happy to know that the ugly little Gecko that was staring me down this weekend has been relocated. Daddy-O came home yesterday morning and last night I was in the hallway squealing over that freakish looking little creature. I’ve decided to write to the makers of DirtDevil and complain that there’s not enough power to suck them up.

Anyway, these days I hate to stay around the house because all I do is wait for the phone to ring. When I leave the house, all I do is daydream about coming home to a message on my answering machine from our caseworker. The irony of that is I call to check the messages and I know there are none. Somewhere in the back of my ever hopeful mind I think maybe she called in the 5 minutes in took me to get home after checking the messages. Bleh! The life of a soon to be adoptive mother. And father.

Daddy-O isn’t much better. He can hardly wait and looks longingly at the little ones we see at church. Although it has only been about 6 weeks since we’ve been eligible for a “match”, realize we’ve been waiting for this for 3 and 1/2 years. Our dream has changed over the course of those years but the end result has always been the same: we want to be parents.

Forgive us if we are irritable or whiny. Excuse us when we respond to your questions with short, sometimes harsh answers. And please be patient when we just don’t feel like telling our story again if you’re just finding out about this adoption. You see, talking about it is getting old – we’re tired of talking. We’re ready for some action and it can’t come fast enough. You may still catch us on a good day when we’re happy, but mostly we’re just frustrated. It’s hard to even get excited about it because the wait feels like it’s forever.

I have to say, again, for the record that we believe Jeremiah 29:11 – “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord. ‘They are for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.’” We know God has our children picked out, we know He will lead us to them. We trust that His timing is absolutely perfect and we only want what HE has for us. But we are also very human and we want what He has RIGHT NOW! Pray for our spirits as we become increasingly more discouraged with each passing day. More importantly, pray that someone is hugging and loving on our children today.

We know God is in control and we praise Him for what we know He is working on even now. We thank God for what is yet to come.

On another note, my friend Karen H. (AKA: Puke) has some exciting news….. so you should pop over to her blog and check it out.

I have this thing about Geckos. They totally freak me out. Daddy-O gets a kick out of it when I come across one in the house because I usually scream and beg him to be my knight and shining armor and slay the ferocious Gecko. Did I mention most of the ones we find in the house are babies?

The problem now is that Daddy-O is out of town and there is a baby Gecko on the wall in the hallway. I’m watching it with one eye as I type this because I’m afraid it’s going to crawl in here and get me. I can’t stand the thought of a gecko crawling on me – what if it gets into my bedroom and crawls on me while I’m asleep? What if it crawls in my mouth? Yeah, well…. I didn’t want to sleep tonight anyway.

The moral of this story is that although a dustbuster sucks, it’s not strong enough to suck up a baby gecko running for its life. The real miracle here is that neither the gecko nor I died from a heart attack during this event.

This is how desperate I’ve gotten. This blog is supposed to be about our adoption – but there are only so many ways I can say that waiting sucks. Today, I really feel like whining because we don’t have our children. But I know that God already has them picked out and He’s working out the timing to be just perfect. I just pray that tonight they are safe and that someone is hugging them and loving on them. As sad as I get and as much as I miss them, I know they are worth every second of the wait.

You’ve heard it said before that “no news is good news.” Whoever made this up had not been through the process of adoption, I assure you. Waiting sucks. It absolutely, completely, without a doubt, sucks. We’re only a few weeks in to the real waiting and already I’m breaking rules. I decided that I would call S., our case worker, only once a week but I find myself absolutely living for Mondays just so I can do that. So now I’m thinking twice a week is better – I need a “fix” a little more often. So, tomorrow, unless I completely chicken out, I’m going to email her.

The problem with all of this is I feel like I need something to say other than, “just checking in”. I find myself spending entirely too much time thinking of things I could ask about. I need to get busy. But I don’t wanna get busy unless I’m busy with our kids. Bah!

Anyway, on a brighter subject, I cooked my third-night-in-a-row-yes-i’m-great dinner tonight. Beef stroganoff and it was yummy! Who knew corn starch was used to make beef stroganoff? No, I still don’t know what the stupid zuchinnis are for.

And I need a pedicure, don’t ya think?

That’s right. I’ve given myself the title of chef after only two successful meals. Lemon fish last night that turned out pretty good. I used some stir fry veggies to cover the fish and Daddy-O said, “what’s that?” “um, VEGETABLES” Guess I should cook them more often.

If I can’t cook for our kids, I may as well start practicing, right? Bleh. I’d rather be too busy with kids to cook.

Tonight, we had chicken parm. (i can’t spell it) and it was delicious! And it was so easy to make! So, the good news is that the fish and chicken turned out wonderfully. Haven’t used the corn starch yet but I think it is for the beef stroganoff (on the menu for tomorrow night). Still don’t know what the zuchinni is for.

Oh, and I have lots of pampered chef stuff – I’ve found it to be great for collecting dust. Maybe it’s time to wipe it down.

I think I’m going to start a Bounce Out support group for those of us who are addicted. Look what Stacy did this morning:

I like to believe that I am above average in the intelligence department. Notice I didn’t claim that I “am above average” just that “I like to believe I’m above average”. Every once a while – okay every day – something happens that it makes it difficult for me to hold on to my fantasy of super-human intelligence. It’s what I call an alignment problem – when my reality doesn’t line up with what I believe to be true.

Today, for instance, I went grocery shopping. I am not a cook, to say the least. I do okay with a recipe and there are a few things that I cook very well because I’ve cooked them so many times. My biggest problem in the cooking department is lack of practice, or just plain laziness. It’s not just that I don’t want to cook, it’s that when I decide to cook something, it means I have to go to the grocery store because I never have all of the ingredients on hand.

I’ve just never learned to plan ahead when it comes to groceries and cooking. Unless you count buying enough frozen pizzas and boxes of mac and cheese planning ahead. Anyway, I heard about a website that gives you a meal plan for the week and also includes a shopping list for the whole week. I figure, what the heck? So, before I even looked at the menu, I decided I’d buy whatever was on the list and cook whatever was there for one whole week – maybe try something new for a change. Anything’s better than frozen pizza, right? Well, maybe.

So I go to the grocery store with my list in hand and I did okay on most items. I only had to ask for help..once…well, no..twice……okay so it was THREE times. ASking where an item is located isn’t too embarrassing…but asking what something is because you can’t identify it is. For example, I needed to buy 2 medium zuchinnis. In my mind, I think zuchinni looks like a cucumber and, come to find out, I was correct. But I couldn’t find it and everything that looked like a cucumber was either a cucumber or some kind of squash. I called my mom, but she had me on hold too long so I decided to ask a lady who “looked like she would know”. I stood there contemplating the best way to ask, “What the heck is zuchinni and where can I find it?” I didn’t want to look totally stupid so I just asked if she might know where it is because I was having trouble finding it. She points it out to me and I see the green cucumber looking things but it says squash on top of it. “Um, is is the green things over there?” i say sheepishly. I have to give her credit…she didn’t laugh, at least not in front of me. She did give me one of those, “oh, women of your generation don’t know how to take care of a man” looks but she walked me over to the zuchinni.

Come to find out, it’s called “Squash Zuchinni”. I learned something new today.

Another recipe called for corn starch, which I thought I actually had in the pantry but that was corn meal…and what do you know? They aren’t the same thing. So I go to the flour aisle, thinking corn starch sounds like it would be the corn meal family. Of course, I don’t see it. So I ask another lady “who looked like she would know” where I might find the corn starch. She said it was right behind me. “oh. thank you.” DUH! I just kinda laughed and said, “i don’t cook very often and wasn’t sure what it was.” So she says, “What are you cooking with corn starch?” ……”um…i don’t know. It’s just on my list of things I need to cook a couple of different recipes but I don’t know which one it is for.” and I think to myself, “because I’m and IDIOT you see.”

Finally, I’m almost through. Now I need flank steak. Which, by the way, just sounds gross to me. But it is on my list so I’m getting it. But it’s not there. It is nowhere in the packaged meat area. So I ask mr. butcher, “do you have flank steak?” And he kindly said, “yes.” I stood there for a minute but he didn’t turn around and look at me or point to it or anything. So I say, “um, can you show me where it is?” He tells me I have to go to the counter and they’ll get it for me. Evidently, it’s not “pre-packaged”. How was I to know? While I’m standing there waiting for my flank steak, I’m looking at the fish. My grocery list says I need cod fish but nothing there is called cod. What’s a girl to do? So I ask the lady standing next to me who was also buying some fish, “my recipe calls for cod fish……” Luckily, she picked up on my ignorance and said, “oh, you want to know what to substitute it with since they don’t have any?” “yes…what do you suggest?” as I think to myself, is cod a particular kind of fish? Glad I didn’t ask you which of these fish – clearly not labeled cod – would be considered cod fish. Then she had to go and ask me what I was making. Lemon fish, I told her. Then she wanted to know if I was making it in some kind of creamy sauce or what? “What is this? 20 questions? Am I on trial here or something?” Ofcourse I didn’t say that, I just gave her my best “i’m an idiot” smile and told her I wasn’t sure what the recipe was but that it was on my list. She told me which fish to buy and then said, “good luck.” I know she was thinking, “you’re going to need it.”

Romans 8:14-15 says “14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. 15 So you should not be like cowering, fearful slaves. You should behave instead like God’s very own children, adopted into his family–calling him “Father, dear Father.” NLT

Ephesians 1:4-5 says “4 Long ago, even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. 5 His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. And this gave him great pleasure.” NLT

So God adopted us. That’s a pretty neat way to think of it – what I can’t help but wonder is how God felt as He waited for us. What did He do in anticipation of us? We know He sent Jesus so that we might have eternal life, but how did God feel as He prepared for our lives here on earth?

I can only relate to how I feel about the child(ren) we will soon adopt. What do I want for that child and how do I already feel about that child? I can tell you this. There is nothing good that I do not want for my child. I want his/her life to be filled with God’s richest blessings. Jesus said in John 10:10 “10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” NKJV I want my child(ren) to have abundant life.

So how did God feel as He waited for our lives to begin…..as He waited for us to come to Him? I can only imagine that He felt far more than the joy I have in my own heart. We’ve totally redone two rooms in our house, I’ve changed my work schedule to keep me at home full time and we’ve acquired many of the “things” a small child will need. Those are all very small things in comparison to what Our Father has done for us. As much as we want our children, God wanted us even more. He still does.

Well Stacy, Karen H is giving you a run for your money. In fact, my friend is SUCH a dork that she sent me a screen shot of her high score:

I’m such a dork, I blogged about it.

Since this seems to be as good a place to confess as any, I may as well go ahead and clear the air. I’m not Catholic so I can’t go to a priest for confession. I trust that you all will keep my sins confidential, won’t you? Sure you will. Here goes nothing:

• Seriously, I am thinking like a stalker these days
• I dream of having conversations with this person and wish they were real
• I think of a million excuses to call this person
• I have started at least one hundred emails to this person
• I’ve even considered going this person’s place of business just to “say hi”
• I think of this person at least every hour, if not more often
• When I do actually speak to this person, I replay the conversation over and over again and go over what I could have said better and what really sounded stupid
• I worry that this person is “on to me”
• I get angry with this person for not calling me more often
• I wonder if this person is thinking about me
• Are you afraid yet?
• Don’t be. I’m just talking about my case worker and I assume this is all normal.
• if it isn’t normal, then maybe you should be afraid….you could be next.

As I begin to get a little impatient I have to remind myself that God’s plan is perfect. He has our future in His hands and everything will work out in His perfect timing. Why is it sometimes so hard to wait on God when I really believe His way is better than my way? And I do REALLY believe that.

I go along just fine and I’m not worrying too much, not feeling too anxious. Then I talk to another soon-t0-be mommy through adoption and she tells me how she’s feeling rushed and anxious. And it’s like it is contagious or something. I’ve caught it and I don’t know how to get rid of it.

Jeremiah 29:11. Come on, you should know it by now. I’ve quoted it enough here. “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord. ‘They are for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.’”

Edited: New Bounce Out high score level 11 206,040 points. That’s just pathetic

First of all, if you want to read a First Hand account of the rescue efforts in New Orleans, La, check out Danny’s blog. This post is an email from a helicopter pilot flying in that area.

Secondly, I want to tell you about a guy who I am incredibly proud of tonight. He’s a senior in high school – do you remember what being in high school was like? It’s not always easy to do the right thing or be the one who stands up for what’s right. It’s not easy to be the one who sits with the new kid or even tries to befriend the new kid. Let’s face it. It’s just not always easy being a teenager.

Chris is an amazing kid. No, that’s not true. Today, Chris showed that he is more than a kid – he is a man. A man God smiled on today. He is a member of our church and was in our Sunday School class this past week. Here is the conversation we had via Instant Messaging this evening:

chris: i put to use what we talked about today from sunday school on sunday about seeking out someone at school that needed help from new orleans

chris: this new guy came in my calculus class and i helped him around the school

me: Oh …yay! I”m so proud of you, Chris. God smiled on you today

chris: some kids really make me mad though from my school

me: what did they do?

chris: when the students from new orleans first started coming they would treat them so badly – some kids would try to sell a bottle of water to them for 40 dollers

me: that’s horrible

chris: and when that new kid came in my teacher asked the class first thing who wanted to leave and help him get around the school and find his classes – i waited, no one raised their hand

chris: i waited some more, no hands but dead silence

chris: so i raised my hand and said id help

me: you rock, Chris!

chris: it was like jeez people are so rude not even wanting to help out newcomers

me: i know that made that kid’s day – there is nothing worse than having no one want to help you

me: i’m so proud of you

chris: and we had group work in math and no one even bothered to ask him to join them so i invited him to work with my group

I’m writing this with his permission so I know he’ll check in to read it tomorrow – leave him a note via the comments and tell him what a good thing he did.

It sounds wierd to even write that word – son. We could have a son or a daughter any day now. That is just crazy!

Our caseworker called this morning and she’s not sure what’s happening with the foster kids from Louisiana, so I don’t know anything about that yet. She did tell me, however, that she submitted us for a year and half year old little boy.

I know part of her job is to guard our hearts or keep us from getting too excited too soon. But I just love knowing when we are submitted on a child – it doesn’t matter if takes 100 submissions before we get to “our” child(ren) – I just like knowing that we’re making progress.

There are so many different emotions swimming through me right now. So many things to think about and yet so unable to think about anything at all. It’s hard to process all that is happening around us and to us. I say us because we are all the same, really. Everyone is someone’s daughter or someone’s son.

We may look different and our lifestyles may be drastically different. At the end of the day, however, I think most of us probably want the same thing. We have the same desires, the same hopes, the same dreams. Although they come in different shapes and sizes, they are all the same…….in one way or another.

We take life one day at a time and we take whatever it throws at us. We get angry, frustrated, sad. We experience joy and hope and love. I think the best we can hope for at the end of any day is that we’ve somehow made a difference. Either for someone else or for ourself, that somehow we have changed or we have been changed.

Something inside me has changed. Watching the tragedy unfold on the Gulf Coast has left me a different person. It breaks my heart to see someone’s son floating next to a house, waiting to be recovered. It angers me that the first time a mother learns of her son’s fate may be when she sees his bloated body floating next to a shattered house. On tv. It angers me still that the reason this image is shown on tv is because it’s what WE want to see. When did we all become voyeurs? How did this happen?

I sit and watch the stories unfold and I wonder about the children. How many have lost their parents? How many will find them again? How many are sitting now, with strangers, on a cot in a temporary shelter? As the waters rose, my first thoughts were of the children – not hard to believe since we are so eagerly awaiting ours. I can’t help but wonder how many children were already in foster care in that area and were they evacuated before the storm hit? Will their foster families be able to support them in the face of this tragedy? I also wonder how many children will be abandoned simply because their parents can no longer care for them. It breaks my heart.

Though we have no idea how this is being handled or even if there will be a need for people in our area…..Daddy-O and I have decided to open our home to foster children from the Gulf Coast area. We may not be called on to do this, or there simply may not be a need….. We’ve already contacted our agency to let them know we’d like to do this even though it would be straight foster care. Hopefully, we’ll be able to provide a safe, loving home for a sibling group while they wait to be reunited with their families.

We don’t know what tomorrow holds, but we know that God will continue to provide. And today, we’ve been changed.

Wow! Daddy-O did such an amazing job on the cabinet for the playroom! Here are some pictures for you – doesn’t it just look great filled with toys?

Can’t.

Stop.

Playing.

Bounce Out!

High Score remains 129,742 points

There is much debate in the adoption community about changing the names of children who are beyond infancy. There are some who believe it is okay as long as the child doesn’t “know” his/her name and others who believe a child knows his/her name by 4 months of age. Some would still argue that if a child is old enough to participate in choosing a name, then it is “okay”.

For the record, what I am about to write is not based on any official studies or any expert opinion. It’s not about what “should” or “shouldn’t” be done but about how I feel and what I want to do. It is from the perspective of a soon to be mom who wants what is best for her children.

We want to give the child(ren) we adopt names we choose for them. To be honest with you, I don’t care how old my child is, I know we’ll want to change his/her name. We’ll want to choose what name this child will spend the rest of his/her life being called. I’ll be honest with you. A big reason for this is simply selfishness – we have a few names already picked out that we dream of giving to our children. We have had to change our dreams so much already….this is something we just don’t want to let go of.

It isn’t purely selfish, however. I’ve seen the names of some children who are up for adoption through the foster care system and they should be changed. They just suck. I will share one such name with you here – not from a child who is eligible for adoption but from a friend of mine who teaches school. One girl in her class had a name that was pronounced “Shi-thade”. It was spelled “Shithead”. I will not…I repeat, I WILL NOT allow any child of mine to go through life with a name like “Shithead”. I mean, really. Another example was a little boy who was named “Divorce”. These are real names of real children. But not my children.

Some would say that taking a child’s name is taking a child’s identity. I say, show me an adult who was adopted at age 3 and was raised in a loving home – an adult whose name was changed and who had an identity crisis because of it.

Another thought on this is that the adoption is the start of a new life for said child. A new belonging to a new family. I think a new name is a great way to signify this. Don’t get me wrong, my personal opinions aside, we’ll do what we think is best for our child(ren) in the long and short term. If we adopt an older child and decide to change his/her name, we’ll do it gradually…we’ll find a way to do it so that it is the smoothest possible transition. Of course, if a child is old enough, we would allow him/her to help in selecting a new name.

Another thing to consider is that the situation these kids are coming from are not happy, loving homes. These names were given to them by people who are addicts and/or abusers. I think a change, in some cases, would be beneficial to a child.

Will we want to change the names of our child(ren)? Yes. Will we change them? We have no idea. We’ll have to wait and see what is best for them. Regardless, we will always keep the child’s original name in a safe place…so that he/she may know it later.

I think it is impossible to say what is best for a child without knowing that child and the situation that child comes from.

Bounce Out High Score: Level 9 129,742 points!

If you want to help, go to Dee’s blog and let her know you are thinking and praying for her and her family. Dee is now a refugee from the Gulf Coast area and is missing her family. Leave her a comment. Just tell her you’re praying.

I’m running out of cute titles so I thought I’d try attention grabbers instead. hee hee hee

Thanks for your comments and responses to my questions the other day. I’m working hard to help some of you delurk but it doesn’t seem to be working.

JettyBetty wants to know why I’m “off” of sweet tea and what I think about renaming an adopted child. First of all, I’m not really “off” of sweet tea – I mean, I am…but I’m not. YOu know what I mean? It’s all that sugar that makes is so yummy and soooo fattening! I’m trying to make better decisions about what I eat …so far it just ain’t working. As far as renaming our children…..i think I’ll post on that later.

Curious Servant says “I like the excitement and planning that you and your hubby are going through. I sometimes wonder about the things you may not be saying, about the difficulties.” My initial reaction to this was that I really write about everything. Then I started thinking more about what I feel is the hardest part of this adoption process. The most difficult thing about the adoption is really about me owning up to my fears. Logically, I know our families will love our children and love on our children. I know they won’t be treated differently. If I am very honest with myself, deep down I fear that the people who matter most to us may always look at our children as “adopted”. That perhaps somewhere in their heart of hearts they will feel differently about our children than they do about the children who are blood relatives.

Even as I write that I wonder if it is possible for them not to feel differently? It’s not that I think our children will be loved less, just that they will be loved differently. I wonder how much the fact that they (our children) may look completely different from us will factor in to this whole equation. We knew going into this that raising children from a different ethnic background would hold special challenges. We knew we’d face scrutiny from others and perhaps even ridicule. I’ve never let myself consider that the scrutiny and ridicule may come from the people who matter most to us. If not outwardly, than in the depths of their own hearts. And that is the hardest part. Wanting my children to be loved as though they came from Daddy-O and I. I know we’ll be able to, but will everyone else?

Sigh. I’m ready to find out. I’m ready to get a call telling me that we have been matched with a child or two or three. (oh dear) Don’t get me wrong, I’m not getting impatient……yet. I’m just ready to fill our house with the sounds only a child can bring.

Other news: The cabinet isn’t quite ready. There was….um…..ahhh…..hmmm…an incident…. with the painting. Details to follow when a certain someone’s ego heals.

The most productive thing I did today: Reached Level 9 and scored 127,240 points on Bounce Out!